Needles

Needles

21 December 2014 | 14:29 | No Comments


Robert Burns

Be Britain still to Britain true,
Among ourselves united;
For never but by British hands
Must British wrongs be righted!

18 September 2014 | 0:12 | No Comments


William Wilberforce

on the human condition

Truly we must pronounce him “majestic though in ruin”.

8 September 2014 | 9:05 | No Comments


Crispin’s Razor

In any argument every time the word “clearly” is used apply the following definition.

Clearly: (adverb) an incantation uttered in the hope that a reader or listener will not notice that, whilst the truth of the statement that follows it is essential to case being posited, there is in fact no evidence for the truth of that statement nor does it follow logically from any premise already established. Synonyms “undoubtedly”, “naturally”.

27 August 2014 | 5:17 | No Comments


Wanda Landowska (harpsichordist)

I never practice, I always play.

26 August 2014 | 15:12 | No Comments


Misunderstanding

“Your adorable” she texted
“No YOU’RE adorable” I texted back
and now she thinks I like her and all I was doing was correcting her English.

25 August 2014 | 20:59 | No Comments


Steve Jobs (in 1983)

[Apple's] strategy is really simple. What we want to do is we want to put an incredibly great computer in a book that you can carry around with you and learn how to use in 20 minutes … and we really want to do it with a radio link in it so you don’t have to hook up to anything and you’re in communication with all of these larger databases and other computers.

24 August 2014 | 21:27 | No Comments


Milton Friedman

One of the great mistakes is to judge policies and programs by their intentions rather than their results.

23 August 2014 | 11:45 | No Comments


H L Mencken

An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.

22 August 2014 | 19:06 | No Comments


Christian Bovee

Example has more followers than reason.

21 August 2014 | 17:10 | No Comments


Einstein and Chaplin (possibly)

Einstein: What I most admire about your art, is your universality. You don’t say a word, yet the world understands you.

Chaplin: It is true but your glory is even greater: The whole world admires you, even though they don’t understand a word of what you say.

19 August 2014 | 20:26 | No Comments


Sterling Hayden

To be truly challenging, a voyage, like a life, must rest on a firm foundation of financial unrest. Otherwise you are doomed to a routine traverse, the kind known to yachtsmen, who play with their boats at sea — “cruising,” it is called. Voyaging belongs to seamen, and to the wanderers of the world who cannot, or will not, fit in. If you are contemplating a voyage and you have the means, abandon the venture until your fortunes change. Only then will you know what the sea is all about.

18 August 2014 | 20:10 | No Comments


Paul Krugman (in 1998)

The growth of the Internet will slow drastically, as the flaw in “Metcalfe’s law”–which states that the number of potential connections in a network is proportional to the square of the number of participants–becomes apparent: most people have nothing to say to each other! By 2005 or so, it will become clear that the Internet’s impact on the economy has been no greater than the fax machine’s.

17 August 2014 | 18:38 | No Comments


Francis Bacon

Histories make men wise; poets, witty; the mathematics, subtle; natural philosophy, deep; morals, grave; logic and rhetoric, able to contend.

16 August 2014 | 23:09 | No Comments


C S Lewis

The sun looks down on nothing half so good as a household laughing together over a meal.

15 August 2014 | 19:54 | No Comments


Tim Harford

As human freedoms go, the freedom to take your custom elsewhere is not a grand or noble one – but neither is it one that we should abandon without a fight.

14 August 2014 | 16:18 | No Comments


T S Eliot

Words strain,
Crack and sometimes break, under the burden,
Under the tension, slip, slide, perish,
Decay with imprecision, will not stay in place,
Will not stay still.

13 July 2014 | 9:59 | No Comments


T E Lawrence

All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible. This I did.

31 May 2014 | 20:21 | No Comments


Tony Benn

If one meets a powerful person – Rupert Murdoch, perhaps, or Joe Stalin or Hitler – one can ask five questions: what power do you have; where did you get it; in whose interests do you exercise it; to whom are you accountable; and, how can we get rid of you? Anyone who cannot answer the last of those questions does not live in a democratic system.

14 March 2014 | 23:42 | No Comments


Kwesi Brew

The Mesh

We have come to the cross-roads
And I must either leave or come with you.
I lingered over the choice
But in the darkness of my doubts
You lifted the lamp of love
And I saw in your face
The road that I should take.

9 March 2014 | 0:50 | No Comments


C S Lewis

We are half-hearted creatures,
fooling about with drink and sex and
ambition when infinite joy is offered us,
like an ignorant child who wants to go on
making mud pies in a slum because he
cannot imagine what is meant by the offer
of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily
pleased.

7 March 2014 | 16:06 | No Comments


Tom Stoppard

14th March

Einstein born,
Quite unprepared,
For E to equal
MC squared

1 March 2014 | 2:46 | No Comments


Malcolm Muggeridge

The only ultimate disaster that can befall us, I have come to realise, is to feel ourselves to be at home here on earth.

28 January 2014 | 22:35 | No Comments


Rumi

Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment

29 December 2013 | 14:21 | No Comments


David Coleman

If that had gone in, it would have been a goal.

22 December 2013 | 1:17 | No Comments


William Shakespeare

Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.
Of all the wonders that I yet have heard.
It seems to me most strange that men should fear;
Seeing that death, a necessary end,
Will come when it will come.

6 December 2013 | 9:39 | No Comments


Ian Dury

The Bus Driver’s Prayer

Our Father,
Who art in Hendon
Harrow Road be Thy name
Thy Kingston come
Thy Wimbledon
In Erith as it is in Hendon.
Give us this day our Berkhamsted
And forgive us our Westminsters
As we forgive those who Westminster against us.

Lead us not into Temple Station
And deliver us from Ealing,
For thine is the Kingston
The Purley and the Crawley,
For Iver and Iver.
Crouch End.

28 November 2013 | 10:14 | No Comments


Thomas Hood

No sun – no moon!
No morn – no noon –
No dawn – no dusk – no proper time of day.
No warmth, no cheerfulness, no healthful ease,
No comfortable feel in any member –
No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees,
No fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds! –
November!

27 November 2013 | 13:13 | No Comments


Stir Up Sunday (from the collect for the last Sunday before Advent)

Stir up, we beseech thee, O Lord, the wills of thy faithful people; that they, plenteously bringing forth the fruit of good works, may of thee be plenteously rewarded; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

24 November 2013 | 10:57 | No Comments


C S Lewis

The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning

22 November 2013 | 15:35 | No Comments


Abraham Lincoln

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth upon this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle field of that war; we are met to dedicate a portion of it as the final resting place of those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this, but in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground.

The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or to detract. The world will little note, nor long remember, what we say here; but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us, the living, rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work that they have thus far so nobly carried on. It is rather for us here to be dedicated to the great task remaining before us; that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion; that we here highly resolve that the dead shall not have died in vain. That the nation shall, under God, have a new birth of freedom, and that the government of the people, by the people and for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

20 November 2013 | 0:06 | No Comments


Ian McMillan

Lamb’s Conduit Street

A world in miniature; a universe in a grain of sand.
You can look from one end and see the other end.
You couldn’t call it majestic. It isn’t very grand
And yet I think it’s monumental. A nuanced blend
Of shops and popups and café’s you can pop in,
Slip out of carrying coffee that makes everything clear
And somehow this street quietens the city’s din
And concentrates the careworn mind to the sheer
Pleasure of simply walking down a welcoming street
That asks you to pause, take your time, have a look
And follow a different, independent, subtle beat.
Buy a shirt. Buy a croissant. Meet your mate. Buy a book.
I went there with my son and he turned to me and said
‘This is the perfect street. I’ll always live here in my head.’

13 November 2013 | 1:03 | No Comments


Christopher Logue

To a Friend in Search of Rural Seclusion

When all else fails,
Try Wales.

12 November 2013 | 10:30 | No Comments


Adam Smith

The frugality and industry of private people can repair the breaches which the extravagance of government makes in society’s capital.

29 October 2013 | 23:24 | No Comments


John Davidson

For she’s made of flint and roses, very odd;

15 October 2013 | 7:52 | No Comments


Leonardo da Vinci

It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

10 October 2013 | 0:54 | No Comments


Calvin Coolidge (possibly)

Women sitting next to him at dinner: Oh Mr President my friend bet me I wouldn’t be able to get you to say three words to me tonight.

Coolidge: You lose

4 October 2013 | 9:27 | No Comments


Milton Friedman

We economists don’t know much, but we do know how to create a shortage. If you want to create a shortage of tomatoes, for example, just pass a law that retailers can’t sell tomatoes for more than two cents per pound. Instantly you’ll have a tomato shortage. It’s the same with oil or gas.

24 September 2013 | 16:39 | No Comments


Robert Browning

Meeting at Night

The grey sea and the long black land;
And the yellow half-moon large and low;
And the startled little waves that leap
In fiery ringlets from their sleep,
As I gain the cove with pushing prow,
And quench its speed i’ the slushy sand.

Then a mile of warm sea-scented beach;
Three fields to cross till a farm appears;
A tap at the pane, the quick sharp scratch
And blue spurt of a lighted match,
And a voice less loud, thro’ its joys and fears,
Than the two hearts beating each to each.

23 September 2013 | 21:54 | No Comments


Elmore Leonard

10 Rules of Good Writing

1 Never open a book with weather.
2 Avoid prologues.
3 Never use a verb other than “said” to carry dialogue.
4 Never use an adverb to modify the verb “said” … he admonished gravely.
5 Keep your exclamation points under control. You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose.
6 Never use the words “suddenly” or “all hell broke loose.”
7 Use regional dialect, patois, sparingly.
8 Avoid detailed descriptions of characters.
9 Don’t go into great detail describing places and things.
10 Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip.

The most important rule is one that sums up the 10, if it sounds like writing, rewrite it.

20 August 2013 | 16:15 | No Comments


T S Eliot

Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don’t mean to do harm — but the harm does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves.

27 July 2013 | 11:13 | No Comments


Richard Rohr

To finally surrender ourselves to healing, we have to have three spaces opened within us – and all at the same time; our opinionated head, our closed down heart, and our defensive and defended body.

24 June 2013 | 8:14 | No Comments


William Douglas-Home

Smoke

Answer to the exam question “What is the future of coal?”

22 June 2013 | 23:17 | No Comments


William Morris (possibly)

Morris said to have spent much of his time in Paris in the Eiffel tower, painting, sketching, writing and taking many of his meals in its restaurant.

One of the restaurant staff noticed he was a regular visitor and said, “You are certainly impressed with our Tower, monsieur!”

“Impressed?!!” said Morris. “This is the only place in Paris where I can avoid seeing the thing!”

18 June 2013 | 23:13 | No Comments


G K Chesterton

We have all forgotten what we really are. All that we call common sense and rationality and practicality only means that, for certain dead levels of our life, we forget what we have forgotten. All that we call spirit and art and ecstasy only means that for one awful instant, we remember what we forgot

15 June 2013 | 11:28 | No Comments


C S Lewis

True Friendship is the least jealous of loves. Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth.

successfully tested for at least two further iterations

9 June 2013 | 20:27 | No Comments


Charles Mackay

Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one.

3 June 2013 | 18:20 | No Comments


Alan Leshner

The plural of ‘anecdote’ is not ‘evidence’

27 May 2013 | 22:03 | No Comments


On Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby.

A bishop interviewing Justin Welby when he first put himself forward for ordination:

I have interviewed a thousand candidates for ordination and you don’t come in the top thousand.

13 May 2013 | 10:47 | No Comments


Graffito

Things I hate
1) Vandalism
2) Irony
3) Lists

16 April 2013 | 23:58 | No Comments


Margaret Thatcher

I had applied for a job at Imperial Chemical Industries in 1948 and was called for a personal interview. However I failed to get selected. Many years later, I succeeded in finding out why I had been rejected. The remarks written by the selectors on my application were: “This woman is headstrong, obstinate and dangerously self-opinionated!”

9 April 2013 | 22:17 | No Comments


Michael Symmons Roberts

Jairus

So, God takes your child by the hand
and pulls her from her deathbed.
He says: ‘Feed her, she is ravenous.’

You give her fruits with thick hides
– pomegranate, cantaloupe –
food with weight, to keep her here.

You hope that if she eats enough
the light and dust and love
which weave the matrix of her body

will not fray, nor wear so thin
that morning sun breaks through her,
shadowless, complete.

Somehow this reanimation
has cut sharp the fear of death,
the shock of presence. Feed her

roast lamb, egg, unleavened bread:
forget the herbs, she has an aching
fast to break. Sit by her side,

split skins for her so she can gorge,
and notice how the dawn
draws colour to her just-kissed face.

8 April 2013 | 8:53 | No Comments


Albert Bartlett

The greatest shortcoming of the human race is our inability to understand the exponential function.

4 April 2013 | 12:57 | No Comments


Winston Churchill

On September 28 the fleet came safely to anchor in Pevensey Bay. There was no opposition to the landing. The local “fyrd” had been called out this year four times already to watch the coast, and having, in true English style, come to the conclusion that the danger was past because it had not yet arrived had gone back to their homes.

24 March 2013 | 10:01 | No Comments


Tom Stoppard

Milne: No matter how imperfect things are, if you’ve got a free press everything is correctable, and without it everything is concealable.
Ruth: I’m with you on the free press. It’s the newspapers I can’t stand.

19 March 2013 | 0:01 | No Comments


Lord Tennyson

Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

17 March 2013 | 17:03 | No Comments


George Macdonald

That is always the way with you men; you believe nothing the first time; and it is foolish enough to let mere repetition convince you of what you consider in itself unbelievable.

10 March 2013 | 0:42 | No Comments


Dietrich Bonhoeffer

It is much easier for me to imagine a praying murderer, a praying prostitute, than a vain person praying. Nothing is so odds with prayer as vanity

24 February 2013 | 16:33 | No Comments


Once removed

Show this bold Prussian that praises slaughter, slaughter brings rout.

becomes

How his old Russian hat raises laughter, laughter rings out.

6 February 2013 | 0:43 | No Comments


Charles Handy

The McNamara Fallacy

The first step is to measure whatever can be easily measured. This is OK as far as it goes.

The second step is to disregard that which can’t be easily measured or to give it an arbitrary quantitative value. This is artificial and misleading.

The third step is to presume that what can’t be measured easily really isn’t important. This is blindness.

The fourth step is to say that what can’t be easily measured really doesn’t exist. This is suicide.

3 February 2013 | 10:48 | No Comments


H L Mencken (possibly)

When I hear artists or authors making fun of business men, I think of a regiment in which the band makes fun of the cooks.

2 February 2013 | 23:03 | No Comments


Richard Feynman

What is not surrounded by uncertainty cannot be the truth.

1 February 2013 | 0:13 | No Comments


Gustave Flaubert

Language is a cracked kettle on which we beat out tunes for bears to dance to, while all the time we long to move the stars to pity.

31 January 2013 | 14:01 | No Comments


Winston Churchill

of Charles de Gaulle

He looks like a female llama who has just been surprised in her bath.

16 January 2013 | 23:52 | No Comments


Thomas Traherne

News from a foreign country came
As if my treasure and my wealth lay there;
So much it did my heart inflame,
‘Twas wont to call my Soul into mine ear;
Which thither went to meet
The approaching sweet,
And on the threshold stood
To entertain the unknown Good.
It hover’d there
As if ‘twould leave mine ear,
And was so eager to embrace
The joyful tidings as they came,
‘Twould almost leave its dwelling-place
To entertain that same.

15 December 2012 | 19:04 | No Comments


C S Lewis

Adherents of Xmas are exhausted and overextended but Christmas worshipers are joyful. Are you rushing or feasting?

15 December 2012 | 1:04 | No Comments


C. S. Lewis

It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies.

29 November 2012 | 20:22 | No Comments


Samuel Johnson

What we hope ever to do with ease, we must learn first to do with diligence.

24 November 2012 | 15:33 | No Comments


Yehuda Amichai

The Place Where We Are Right

From the place where we are right
Flowers will never grow
In the spring.

The place where we are right
Is hard and trampled
Like a yard.

But doubts and loves
Dig up the world
Like a mole, a plow.
And a whisper will be heard in the place
Where the ruined
House once stood.

10 November 2012 | 22:20 | No Comments


John Rogers

There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year-old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.

29 October 2012 | 22:25 | No Comments


Hugh Kingsmill

The well-to-do do not want the poor to suffer. They wish them to be as happy as is consistent with the continued prosperity of the well-to-do.

20 October 2012 | 20:32 | No Comments


G K Chesterton

To be a failure may be one step to being a saint

11 September 2012 | 20:18 | No Comments


Hugh Kingsmill

People who can repeat what you are saying aren’t listening

10 September 2012 | 7:25 | No Comments


Tom Stoppard

(from his television adaption of Ford Madox Ford’s Parade’s End)

A flat in Holborn! I couldn’t have imagined anything more humiliating!

9 September 2012 | 7:19 | No Comments


G K Chesterton

…the reason why the lives of the rich are at bottom so tame and uneventful is simply that they can choose the events. They are dull because they are omnipotent. They fail to feel adventures because they can make the adventures. The thing which keeps life romantic and full of fiery possibilities is the existence of these great plain limitations which force all of us to meet the things we do not like or do not expect.

8 September 2012 | 12:06 | No Comments


Woody Guthrie

This song is Copyrighted in U.S., under Seal of Copyright #154085, for a period of 28 years, and anybody caught singin’ it without our permission, will be mighty good friends of ourn, cause we don’t give a dern. Publish it. Write it. Sing it. Swing to it. Yodel it. We wrote it, that’s all we wanted to do.

5 September 2012 | 17:29 | No Comments


Sir Thomas Browne

Be charitable before Wealth makes thee covetous.

31 August 2012 | 23:46 | No Comments


Claude Debussy

of Richard Wagner

A beautiful sunset that was mistaken for a dawn.

30 August 2012 | 21:57 | No Comments


Oliver Wendell Holmes (Snr)

He must be a poor creature that does not often repeat himself.

29 August 2012 | 0:32 | No Comments


Oliver Wendell Holmes (Snr)

He must be a poor creature that does not often repeat himself.

28 August 2012 | 0:32 | No Comments


Willard Van Orman Quine

Quine’s Paradox

“Yields falsehood when preceded by its quotation” yields falsehood when preceded by its quotation.

27 August 2012 | 20:16 | No Comments


Engraved

Nikainetos, third century BC

I am the grave of Biton, traveller:
If from Torone to Amphipolis you go
Give Nicagoras this message: his one son
Died in a storm, in early winter, before sunrise.

26 August 2012 | 23:23 | No Comments


Of John Wycliffe

The Avon to the Severn runs,
The Severn to the sea,
And Wycliffe’s dust shall spread abroad,
Wide as the waters be.

50 years after his death Wycliffe, who instigated the first full translation of the bible into English, was condemned for heresy and his body was dug up, his bones burned and his ashes poured into the river Avon

23 August 2012 | 0:12 | No Comments


The English Lesson

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
But the plural of ox should be oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
But the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and showed you my feet,
When I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

If the singular is this, and the plural is these,
Why shouldn’t the plural of kiss be kese?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet the plural of hat would never be hose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
So plurals in English, I think you’ll agree,
Are indeed very tricky–singularly.

22 August 2012 | 15:22 | No Comments


E F Schumacher

Once you have a formula and an electronic computer, there is an awful temptation to squeeze the lemon until it is dry and present a picture of the future which through its very precision and verisimilitude carries conviction. Yet a man who uses an imaginary map, thinking it a true one, is likely to be worse off than someone with no map at all; for he will fail to inquire wherever he can, to observe every detail on his way, and to search continuously with all his senses and all his intelligence for indications of where he should go.

11 August 2012 | 14:17 | No Comments


Michael Johnson

I didn’t have a pre-race ritual, only a post race one – I stood on a podium and someone put a medal around my neck.

5 August 2012 | 21:53 | No Comments


Thomas Pryor Gore (Gore Vidal’s grandfather)

Never have children, only grandchildren

1 August 2012 | 10:58 | No Comments


Karen Lamb

A year from now you may wish you had started today.

28 July 2012 | 23:23 | No Comments


From the funeral of Otto Von Habsburg

The following traditional Habsburg entombment “knocking” ceremony took place at the door of Vienna’s Capuchin Friary after the funeral followed of Otto Von Habsburg.

FIRST KNOCK

Capuchin Friar : “Who desires admission?”

Leader of funeral party: “Otto of Austria, former Crown Prince of Austria-Hungary, Prince Royal of Hungary, Croatia and Bohemia, of Dalmatia, Croatia, Slavonia, Galicia, Lodomeria and Illyria; Grand Duke of Tuscany and Cracow; Duke of Lorraine, Salzburg, Styria, Carinthia, Carniola and Bukowina; Grand Prince of Transylvania, Margrave of Moravia; Duke of Upper and Lower Silesia, Modena, Parma, Piacenza and Guastalla, of Osweicim and Zator, of Teschen, Friaul, Dubrovnik and Zadar; Princely Count of Habsburg and Tyrol, of Kyburg, Gorizia and Gradisca; Prince of Trento and Brixen; Margrave of Upper and Lower Lusatia and Istria: Count of Hohenems, Feldkirch, Bregenz, Sonnenburg; Lord of Trieste, Kotor and Windic March; Grand Voivod of the Voivodship of Serbia”

Friar : “We do not know him!”

SECOND KNOCK

Friar : “Who desires admission?”

Leader : “Dr Otto von Habsburg; President and Honorary President of the Pan-European Union; Member and Father of the House of the European Parliament; Holder of honorary doctorates from countless universities and freeman of many communities in Central Europe; Member of numerous noble academies and institutes; Bearer of high and highest awards, decorations and honours of church and state made to him in recognition of his decade-long struggle for the freedom of peoples, for right and justice.”

Friar: “We do not know him!”

THIRD KNOCK

Friar : “Who desires admission?”

Leader : “Otto — a mortal, sinful man!”

Friar: “Let him be admitted.”

27 July 2012 | 18:15 | No Comments


Fred Perry

casual comment made within hearing of his opponent in the changing room before a big final

I wouldn’t want to be playing me today.

8 July 2012 | 9:39 | No Comments


Matthew Parris

We have been living beyond our means. We have been paying ourselves more than our efforts were earning. We sought political leaders who would assure us that the good times would never end and that the centuries of boom and bust were over; and we voted for those who offered that assurance. We sought credit for which we had no security and we gave our business to the banks that advertised it. We wanted higher exam grades for our children and were rewarded with politicians prepared to supply them by lowering exam standards. We wanted free and better health care and demanded chancellors who paid for it without putting up our taxes. We wanted salacious stories in our newspapers and bought the papers that broke the rules to provide them. And now we whimper and snarl at MPs, bankers and journalists. Fair enough, my friends, but, you know, we really are all in this together.

2 July 2012 | 23:05 | No Comments


Bruce Cockburn

I’ve been scraping little shavings off my ration of light
And I’ve formed it into a ball, and each time I pack a bit more onto it
I make a bowl of my hands and I scoop it from its secret cache
Under a loose board in the floor
And I blow across it and I send it to you
Against those moments when
The darkness blows under your door

Isn’t that what friends are for?

1 July 2012 | 22:23 | 1 Comment


xkcd

(an unmatched left parenthesis creates a unresolved tension that will stay with you all day

19 June 2012 | 19:48 | No Comments


Duke of Wellington

A message to the Foreign Office from Central Spain, August 1812

Gentlemen,

Whilst marching from Portugal to a position which commands the approach to Madrid and the French forces, my officers have been diligently complying with your requests which have been sent by H.M. ship from London to Lisbon and thence by dispatch to our headquarters.

We have enumerated our saddles, bridles, tents and tent poles, and all manner of sundry items for which His Majesty’s Government holds me accountable. I have dispatched reports on the character, wit, and spleen of every officer. Each item and every farthing has been accounted for, with two regrettable exceptions for which I beg your indulgence.

Unfortunately the sum of one shilling and ninepence remains unaccounted for in one infantry battalion’s petty cash and there has been a hideous confusion as the number of jars of raspberry jam issued
to one cavalry regiment during a sandstorm in western Spain. This reprehensible carelessness may be related to the pressure of circumstance, since we are at war with France, a fact which may come
as a bit of a surprise to you gentlemen in Whitehall.

This brings me to my present purpose, which is to request elucidation of my instructions from His Majesty’s Government so that I may better understand why I am dragging an army over these barren plains. I
construe that perforce it must be one of two alternative duties, as given below. I shall pursue either one with the best of my ability, but I cannot do both:

1. To train an army of uniformed British clerks in Spain for the benefit of the accountants and copy-boys in London or perchance,

2. To see to it that the forces of Napoleon are driven out of Spain.

Your most obedient servant

Wellington

10 June 2012 | 13:52 | No Comments


Ray Bradbury

Digression is the soul of wit.

6 June 2012 | 23:21 | No Comments


Emily Dickinson

This World is not Conclusion.

This World is not Conclusion.
A Species stands beyond –
Invisible, as Music –
But positive, as Sound –
It beckons, and it baffles –
Philosophy — don’t know –
And through a Riddle, at the last –
Sagacity, must go –
To guess it, puzzles scholars –
To gain it, Men have borne
Contempt of Generations
And Crucifixion, shown –
Faith slips — and laughs, and rallies –
Blushes, if any see –
Plucks at a twig of Evidence –
And asks a Vane, the way –
Much Gesture, from the Pulpit –
Strong Hallelujahs roll –
Narcotics cannot still the Tooth
That nibbles at the soul –

5 June 2012 | 15:01 | No Comments


George Eliot

What loneliness is more lonely than distrust?

2 June 2012 | 0:28 | No Comments


Muphry’s Law

1.if you write anything criticising editing or proofreading, there will be a fault in what you have written;

2.if an author thanks you in a book for your editing or proofreading, there will be mistakes in the book;

3.the stronger the sentiment in (a) and (b), the greater the fault; and

4.any book devoted to editing or style will be internally inconsistent.

25 May 2012 | 19:41 | No Comments


Sam Walter Foss

Strew gladness on the paths of men—
You will not pass this way again.

7 May 2012 | 22:10 | No Comments


Michelangelo

If you knew how much work went into it, you would not call it genius.

6 May 2012 | 17:21 | No Comments


Themistocles

to his son

For the Athenians command the rest of Greece, I command the Athenians; your mother commands me, and you command your mother.

23 April 2012 | 0:33 | No Comments


Ross McKitrick

I like visiting nature but I don’t want to live there.

31 March 2012 | 14:53 | No Comments


Richard Buckminster Fuller

Politicians are always realistically maneuvering for the next election. They are obsolete as fundamental problem-solvers.

11 March 2012 | 1:01 | No Comments


Admiral John Jervis

On the prospects of the a French invasion during the Napoleonic wars.

I do not say they cannot come – I only say they cannot come by sea.

7 March 2012 | 1:55 | No Comments


Max Planck

I regard consciousness as fundamental. I regard matter as derivative from consciousness. We cannot get behind consciousness. Everything that we talk about, everything that we regard as existing, postulates consciousness.

5 March 2012 | 0:49 | No Comments


John Betjeman

In A Bath Teashop

“Let us not speak, for the love we bear one another —
Let us hold hands and look.”
She such a very ordinary little woman;
He such a thumping crook;
But both, for a moment, little lower than the angels
In the teashop’s ingle-nook.

26 February 2012 | 17:11 | No Comments


Rainer Maria Rilke

Spring has returned. The Earth is like a child that knows poems.

23 February 2012 | 18:21 | No Comments


Gehm’s Corollary

Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.

20 February 2012 | 11:34 | 3 Comments


Christina Rossetti

Were there no God, we would be in this glorious world with grateful hearts and no one to thank.

6 February 2012 | 15:29 | 2 Comments


Philip Larkin

Snow fell, undated. Light

5 February 2012 | 11:33 | No Comments


Federico Fellini

A good opening and a good ending make for a good film provided they come close together.

30 January 2012 | 1:40 | No Comments


Johannes Kepler

Truth is the daughter of time, and I feel no shame in being her midwife.

29 January 2012 | 22:07 | No Comments


Emanuel Lasker

When you see a good move, look for a better one.

14 January 2012 | 23:37 | 1 Comment


Hilaire Belloc

The south-west wind roaring in from the Atlantic…. is, I think the presiding genius of England.

7 January 2012 | 16:05 | No Comments


Tigran Petrosian

on being asked which was his favorite chess piece

It does not really matter, as long as it is an extra one.

6 January 2012 | 23:04 | 1 Comment


Juvenal

No man ever became extremely wicked all at once.

2 January 2012 | 23:15 | No Comments


Igor Stravinsky

Harpists spend 90% of their time tuning their harps and 10% playing out of tune.

This is a great metaphor – I just haven’t worked out what for!

2 January 2012 | 0:54 | No Comments


Philip Larkin

New Year Poem

Tomorrow in the offices the year on the stamps will be altered;
Tomorrow new diaries consulted, new calendars stand;
With such small adjustments life will again move forward
Implicating us all; and the voice of the living be heard:
“It is to us that you should turn your straying attention;
Us who need you, and are affected by your fortune;
Us you should love and to whom you should give your word.”

31 December 1940

31 December 2011 | 23:59 | No Comments


C S Lewis

“Always winter and never Christmas; think of that.” said Tumnus. “How awful!” said Lucy.

25 December 2011 | 10:36 | 1 Comment


John Maynard Keynes

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward.

20 December 2011 | 13:17 | No Comments


Christopher Hitchens

Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are god. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realise that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are gods.

19 December 2011 | 10:23 | No Comments


Vaclav Havel

As soon as man began considering himself the source of the highest meaning in the world and the measure of everything, the world began to lose its human dimension, and man began to lose control of it.

18 December 2011 | 23:21 | No Comments


Alexander Pope

Do good by stealth, and blush to find it fame.

17 December 2011 | 23:02 | No Comments


T S Eliot

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time

16 December 2011 | 23:34 | No Comments


E E Cummings

A wind has blown the rain away and blown the sky away and all the leaves away, and the trees stand. I think, I too, have known autumn too long.

9 December 2011 | 10:07 | 1 Comment


Michel de Montaigne

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes most of which never happened.

5 December 2011 | 2:48 | No Comments


Leonard Bernstein

To achieve great things, two things are needed; a plan, and not quite enough time.

30 November 2011 | 23:55 | No Comments


Ellen Sturgis Hooper

I slept, and dreamed that life was Beauty;
I woke, and found that life was Duty.
Was thy dream then a shadowy lie?
Toil on, poor heart, unceasingly;
And thou shalt find thy dream to be
A truth and noonday light to thee.

26 November 2011 | 23:15 | No Comments


Archilochus

The fox knows many tricks; the hedgehog one good one.

25 November 2011 | 7:02 | No Comments


Alfred Adler

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

24 November 2011 | 15:33 | No Comments


Oscar Wilde

“?”

Single letter telegram sent by Wilde from Paris to his publisher in Britain inquiring how his new book was doing.

The publisher cabled an, arguably, marginally briefer reply:

“!”

18 November 2011 | 20:02 | No Comments


Clement Freud

Clement Freud (grandson of Sigmund) was visiting China as part of a parliamentary delegation with Winston Churchill MP and he asked of the authorities…

“I am in your country with a colleague, than whom I am older, have been in parliament longer, have held higher positions in our respective political parties: we are both staying at the Peking Palace Hotel and his suite is bigger than mine. Why?”

The Minister, very embarrassed, finally said: “It is because Mr Churchill had a famous grandfather.”

Clement reflected that “It is the only time that I have been out-grandfathered.”

14 November 2011 | 22:09 | No Comments


Thomas Treherne

Till you can sing and rejoice and delight in God, as misers do in gold, and Kings in sceptres, you never enjoy the world.

10 November 2011 | 6:11 | 1 Comment


Nassim Nicholas Taleb

The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.

9 November 2011 | 7:20 | No Comments


Jorge Luis Borges

Any time something is written against me, I not only share the sentiment but feel I could do the job far better myself. Perhaps I should advise would-be enemies to send me their grievances beforehand, with full assurance that they will receive my every aid and support. I have even secretly longed to write, under a pen name, a merciless tirade against myself.

8 November 2011 | 22:10 | No Comments


G K Chesterton

Rossetti makes the remark somewhere, bitterly but with great truth, that the worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank.

7 November 2011 | 13:48 | No Comments


Robert Anton Wilson

It only takes 20 years for a liberal to become a conservative without changing a single idea.

6 November 2011 | 22:35 | No Comments


Walter Miller Jr

(in slightly different words previously incorrectly attributed to C S Lewis)

You don’t have a soul, Doctor. You are a soul. You have a body, temporarily.

5 November 2011 | 21:11 | 2 Comments


Niels Bohr

There is no quantum world. There is only an abstract physical description. It is wrong to think that the task of physics is to find out how nature is. Physics concerns what we can say about nature…

4 November 2011 | 22:46 | No Comments


P G Wodehouse

Travel is highly educational.

I can’t do with any more education. I was full up years ago.

3 November 2011 | 19:28 | No Comments


C S Lewis

Most political sermons teach the congregation nothing except what newspapers are taken at the Rectory

2 November 2011 | 22:11 | No Comments


John Steinbeck

Man, unlike anything organic or inorganic in the universe, grows beyond his work, walks up the stairs of his concepts, emerges ahead of his accomplishments.

1 November 2011 | 23:55 | No Comments


John S Coleman

The point to remember is what the government gives it must first take away.

31 October 2011 | 20:19 | No Comments


William Butler Yeats

Sailing To Byzantium

That is no country for old men. The young
In one another’s arms, birds in the trees
—Those dying generations—at their song,
The salmon-falls, the mackerel-crowded seas,
Fish, flesh, or fowl, commend all summer long
Whatever is begotten, born, and dies.
Caught in that sensual music all neglect
Monuments of unageing intellect.

An aged man is but a paltry thing,
A tattered coat upon a stick, unless
Soul clap its hands and sing, and louder sing
For every tatter in its mortal dress,
Nor is there singing school but studying
Monuments of its own magnificence;
And therefore I have sailed the seas and come
To the holy city of Byzantium.

O sages standing in God’s holy fire
As in the gold mosaic of a wall,
Come from the holy fire, perne in a gyre,
And be the singing-masters of my soul.
Consume my heart away; sick with desire
And fastened to a dying animal
It knows not what it is; and gather me
Into the artifice of eternity.

Once out of nature I shall never take
My bodily form from any natural thing,
But such a form as Grecian goldsmiths make
Of hammered gold and gold enamelling
To keep a drowsy Emperor awake;
Or set upon a golden bough to sing
To lords and ladies of Byzantium
Of what is past, or passing, or to come.

30 October 2011 | 9:55 | No Comments


Kahlil Gibran

Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.

17 October 2011 | 20:13 | No Comments


William Carey

I can plod. I can persevere in any definite pursuit. To this I owe everything.

16 October 2011 | 9:38 | No Comments


Jean-Claude Juncker

We all know what to do, but we don’t know how to get re-elected once we have done it.

1 October 2011 | 0:18 | No Comments


Emma Rounds

‘Twas Euclid, and the theorem pi
Did plane and solid in the text,
All parallel were the radii,
And the ang-gulls convex’d.

“Beware the Wentworth-Smith, my son,
And the Loci that vacillate;
Beware the Axiom, and shun
The faithless Postulate.”

He took his Waterman in hand;
Long time the proper proof he sought;
Then rested he by the XYZ
And sat awhile in thought.

And as in inverse thought he sat
A brilliant proof, in lines of flame,
All neat and trim, it came to him,
Tangenting as it came.

“AB, CD,” reflected he–
The Waterman went snicker-snack–
He Q.E.D.-ed, and, proud indeed,
He trapezoided back.

“And hast thou proved the 29th?
Come to my arms, my radius boy!
O good for you! O one point two!”
He rhombused in his joy.

‘Twas Euclid, and the theorem pi
Did plane and solid in the text;
All parallel were the radii,
And the ang-gulls convex’d.

4 September 2011 | 23:41 | 1 Comment


Precise Tweet

@JamieFro: Someone recently told me: “We’d have less arguments if you weren’t so pedantic”. I replied, “Don’t you mean ‘fewer’?”

3 September 2011 | 22:53 | No Comments


Barbara Tuchman

History is the unfolding of miscalculations

30 August 2011 | 1:00 | No Comments


Immanuel Kant

… skepticism is a resting place for reason, … but it cannot be its permanent dwelling-place.

29 August 2011 | 10:30 | No Comments


Soren Kierkegaard

Face the facts of being what you are, for that is what changes what you are.

21 August 2011 | 1:28 | No Comments


Richard Feynman

Details that could throw doubt on your interpretation must be given, if you know them.

20 August 2011 | 22:52 | No Comments


James Mackintosh

It is right to be contented with what we have, never with what we are.

18 August 2011 | 21:54 | No Comments


G K Chesterton

Fairyland is nothing but the sunny country of common sense.

8 August 2011 | 0:08 | No Comments


Roald Amundsen

Adventure is just bad planning.

3 August 2011 | 1:07 | No Comments


David Thomson

Eyebrows are made to be raised.

2 August 2011 | 11:34 | No Comments


Natsume Soseki

The winds that blow
Ask them, which leaf of the tree
Will be the next to go.

30 July 2011 | 14:59 | No Comments


Martin Gardner

The last level of metaphor in the Alice books is this: that life, viewed rationally and without illusion, appears to be a nonsense tale told by an idiot mathematician. At the heart of things science finds only a mad, never-ending quadrille of Mock Turtle Waves and Gryphon Particles. For a moment the waves and particles dance in grotesque, inconceivably complex patterns capable of reflecting on their own absurdity.

25 July 2011 | 9:42 | No Comments


Saint Augustine

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die

11 July 2011 | 14:43 | No Comments


Roger McGough

The only problem
with Haiku is that you just
get started and then

6 July 2011 | 6:48 | No Comments


Marianne Moore

a definition of poetry

“imaginary gardens with real toads in them”

5 July 2011 | 9:30 | No Comments


Samuel Beckett

I was not made for the great light that devours, a dim lamp was all I had been given, and patience without end, to shine it on the empty shadows.

4 July 2011 | 23:34 | No Comments


Will Durant

One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.

29 June 2011 | 19:08 | No Comments


Michael Faraday

The important thing is to know how to take all things quietly.

16 June 2011 | 9:40 | No Comments


Immanuel Kant

Out of timber so crooked as that from which man is made nothing entirely straight can be carved

9 June 2011 | 15:12 | No Comments


From the movie “Hud”

Little by little the look of the country changes because of the men we admire.

9 May 2011 | 23:47 | No Comments


Milton Friedman

Only a crisis – actual or perceived – produces real change. When that crisis occurs, the actions that are taken depend on the ideas that are lying around. That, I believe, is our basic function: to develop alternatives to existing policies, to keep them alive and available until the politically impossible becomes the politically inevitable.

8 May 2011 | 23:41 | 1 Comment


Samuel Butler

The oldest books are only just out to those who have not read them.

29 April 2011 | 22:58 | No Comments


Truman Capote

of Jack Kerouac

That’s not writing, that’s typing!

28 April 2011 | 18:28 | No Comments


Henry Thomas Buckle

on playing chess against a slow playing opponent

The slowness of genius is hard to bear, but the slowness of mediocrity is intolerable.

10 April 2011 | 15:07 | No Comments


Charles V – Holy Roman Emporer

Fortune hath somewhat the nature of a woman; if she be too much wooed, she is the farther off.

23 March 2011 | 11:47 | No Comments


Joseph Pulitzer

Put it before them briefly so they will read it, clearly so they will appreciate it, picturesquely so they will remember it and, above all, accurately so they will be guided by its light.

18 March 2011 | 0:31 | No Comments


Matt Harvey

Where Earwigs Dare

A silver trail across the monitor;
fresh mouse-droppings beneath the swivel-chair;
the view obscured by rogue japonica.
Released into the wild, where earwigs dare -

you first went freelance – and then gently feral.
You worked from home – then wandered out again,
roughed it with spider, ant, shrew, blackbird, squirrel
in your won realm, your micro-Vatican.

No name conveys exactly what it is -
Chalet? Gazebo? You were not misled
by studios, snugs, garden offices,
workshops or outhouses. A shed’s a shed -

and proud of it. You wouldn’t want to hide it.
Wi-Fi-enabled rain-proof wooden box -
a box to sit in while you think outside it.
Self-rattling cage, den, poop-deck, paradox,

hutch with home-rule, cramped cubicle of freedom,
laboratory, thought-palace, bodger’s bower,
plot both to sow seeds and to go to seed in,
cobwebbed, Cuprinol-scented, Seat of Power.

17 March 2011 | 21:22 | No Comments


Lido Anthony Iacocca

My father always used to say that when you die, if you’ve got five real friends, then you’ve had a great life.

13 March 2011 | 23:12 | 1 Comment


Karl Popper

The game of science is, in principle, without end. He who decides one day that scientific statements do not call for any further test, and that they can be regarded as finally verified, retires from the game.

8 March 2011 | 23:36 | No Comments


Nassim Nicholas Taleb

The opposite of success isn’t failure; it is name-dropping.

5 March 2011 | 14:43 | No Comments


Vitruvius

Building well has three conditions: firmness, commodity, and delight.

2 March 2011 | 21:13 | No Comments


Ricardo Reis (Hetronym of Fernando Pessoa)

To be great, be whole: don’t exaggerate
Or leave out any part of you.
Be complete in each thing. Put all you are
Into the least of your acts.
So too in each lake, with its lofty life,
The whole moon shines.

1 March 2011 | 20:13 | No Comments


William Shakespeare

So foul a sky clears not without a storm

28 February 2011 | 12:04 | No Comments


Michel de Montaigne

My reason is not framed to bend or stoop; my knees are.

27 February 2011 | 2:14 | No Comments


African Proverb

Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped.

26 February 2011 | 20:23 | No Comments


Friedrich Hayek

Liberty is an opportunity for doing good, but this is only so when it is also an opportunity for doing wrong.

25 February 2011 | 23:34 | No Comments


Sigmund Freud

Everywhere I go I find a poet has been there before me.

2 February 2011 | 11:59 | 1 Comment


Anthony Trollope

He was not so anxious to prove himself right, as to be so.

21 January 2011 | 0:28 | No Comments


Ronald Reagan

Don’t just do something. Stand there.

16 January 2011 | 13:15 | No Comments


P G Wodehouse

Aunt Dahlia was staring at Jeeves like a bear about to receive a bun.

10 January 2011 | 0:12 | No Comments


Mikhail Bulgakov

Manuscripts don’t burn

9 January 2011 | 2:21 | No Comments


Honest Epitaph

Epitaph of Sir John Strange, Master of the Rolls, who died, at the age of fifty-eight, in 1754.

Here lies an honest lawyer,–
that is Strange.

found here

1 January 2011 | 15:10 | No Comments


Jules Henri Poincaré

Thinking must never submit itself, neither to a dogma, nor to a party, nor to a passion, nor to an interest, nor to a preconceived idea, nor to whatever it may be, if not to facts themselves, because, for it, to submit would be to cease to be.

29 December 2010 | 11:17 | No Comments


A A Milne

from “King John’s Christmas.”

Forget about the crackers,
And forget about the candy;
I’m sure a box of chocolates
Would never come in handy;
I don’t like oranges,
I don’t want nuts,
And I HAVE got a pocket-knife
That almost cuts.
But, oh! Father Christmas, if you love me at all,
Bring me a big, red India-rubber ball!

25 December 2010 | 21:01 | No Comments


Nassim Nicholas Taleb

The person you are the most afraid to contradict is yourself.

14 December 2010 | 9:41 | No Comments


Jerry Seinfeld

What are lawyers really? To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We’re all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there’s a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has actually read the inside of the top of the box.

13 December 2010 | 0:56 | No Comments


Division Limerick – John Saxton

A Dozen, a Gross and a Score,
plus three times the square root of four,
Divided by seven,
Plus five times eleven,
Equals nine squared and not a bit more.

Equation

12 December 2010 | 0:42 | 1 Comment


Integration Limerick

The Integral of tee-squared dee tee,
From one to the cube root of three,
Times half the cosine,
Of three-pi over nine,
Is the log of the sixth root of e.

Equation

11 December 2010 | 12:44 | 1 Comment


Bertrand Russell

Pure mathematics consists entirely of assertions to the effect that, if such and such a proposition is true of anything, then such and such another proposition is true of that thing. It is essential not to discuss whether the first proposition is really true, and not to mention what the anything is, of which it is supposed to be true.

10 December 2010 | 13:46 | No Comments


Irving Chernev

Every chess master was once a beginner.

9 December 2010 | 19:40 | No Comments


Clarence Darrow

You can only be free if I am free.

5 December 2010 | 16:24 | No Comments


Clare Boothe Luce

…. with no cure except as a guillotine might be called a cure for dandruff.

28 November 2010 | 2:05 | No Comments


Ludwig Boltzmann

Elegance should be left to shoemakers and tailors

20 November 2010 | 19:48 | No Comments


John Stanley Purvis

I can’t forget the lane that goes from Steyning to the Ring
In summer time, and on the Down how larks and linnets sing
High in the sun. The wind comes off the sea, and Oh the air!
I never knew till now that life in old days was so fair.
But now I know it in this filthy rat infested ditch
When every shell may spare or kill – and God alone knows which.
And I am made a beast of prey, and this trench is my lair.
My God! I never knew till now that those days were so fair.
So we assault in half an hour, and – it’s a silly thing -
I can’t forget the narrow lane to Chanctonbury Ring.

12 November 2010 | 18:53 | No Comments


Oliver Wendell Holmes (Snr)

I wouldn’t give a fig for the simplicity on this side of complexity;
I would give my right arm for the simplicity on the far side of complexity.

7 November 2010 | 12:15 | No Comments


Søren Kierkegaard

The truth is a trap: you can not get it without it getting you; you cannot get the truth by capturing it, only by its capturing you.

1 November 2010 | 23:27 | No Comments


Hal Borland

Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence.

26 October 2010 | 8:47 | No Comments


Peter Porter

In Australia
Inter alia,
Mediocrities
Think they’re Socrates.

25 October 2010 | 22:27 | No Comments


Kitty Grime

of jazz musician and composer John Dankworth

Couth, kempt and shevelled.

11 October 2010 | 22:29 | No Comments


Calvin Coolidge – (mis)attributed

An alledged conversation between the taciturn president and his wife – on being asked by her what the the preacher’s sermon had been about

Coolidge: Sins.
Mrs. Coolidge: Well, what did he say about it?
Coolidge: He was against it.

6 October 2010 | 19:35 | No Comments


Mark Twain

The trouble ain’t that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain’t distributed right.

2 October 2010 | 10:48 | No Comments


Matt Harvey

Botox

Early onset
taxidermy

1 October 2010 | 20:33 | 1 Comment


Donald Miller

…there are some guys who don’t believe in God and they can prove He doesn’t exist, and some other guys who do believe in God and they can prove He does exist, and the argument stopped being about God a long time ago and now it’s about who is smarter.

23 September 2010 | 9:33 | No Comments


John Wilkes

Do not ask me, for I am so ignorant that I cannot tell the difference between a king and a knave.

On being asked to play a table of cards, at a time when he was in dispute with the government and court.

21 September 2010 | 13:40 | No Comments


Henry Clay

The time will come when Winter will ask you what you were doing all Summer.

8 September 2010 | 17:49 | No Comments


Don Paterson (writing as François Aussemain)

Nothing is ever lost; things only become irretrievable. What is lost, then, is the method of their retrieval, and what we rediscover is not the thing itself, but the overgrown path, the secret staircase, the ancient sewer.

5 September 2010 | 12:45 | 2 Comments


Robert Benchley

The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

4 September 2010 | 12:10 | No Comments


Stephen Crane

Three little birds in a row
Sat musing.
A man passed near that place.
Then did the little birds nudge each other.

They said, “He thinks he can sing.”
They threw back their heads to laugh.
With quaint countenances
They regarded him.
They were very curious,
Those three little birds in a row.

3 September 2010 | 7:08 | No Comments


Alan Turing

We can only see a short distance ahead, but we can see plenty there that needs to be done.

27 August 2010 | 6:47 | No Comments


Samuel Madden

In an orchard there should be enough to eat, enough to lay up, enough to be stolen, and enough to rot on the ground.

21 August 2010 | 16:46 | No Comments


Juvenal

Honesty is praised and starves.

(Probitas laudatur et alget)

18 August 2010 | 20:05 | No Comments


Malcolm Muggeridge

On one of my birthdays I was given a toy printing-set with whose rubber letters I was able to print off my first composition. It was a story of a train going along very fast and, to the satisfaction of the passengers, racing through the samll stations along the track without stopping. Their satisfaction, however, turned to dismay, and then to panic fury, as it dawned on them that it was not going to stop at their stations either when it came to them. They raged and shouted and shook their fists, but all to no avail. The train went roaring on. At the time I had no notion what, if anything, the story signified. [...] Yet, as I came to see, and see now more clearly than ever, it is the story I have been writing ever since; the story of our time.

16 August 2010 | 19:52 | No Comments


John Henry Newmann

The world is content with setting right the surface of things.

9 August 2010 | 7:35 | 1 Comment


Joseph Brodsky

There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them.

8 August 2010 | 15:11 | No Comments


Robert Penn Warren

In separateness only does love learn definition.

7 August 2010 | 10:42 | No Comments


H D Thoreau

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours … In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness.

6 August 2010 | 18:03 | No Comments


James Joyce

People could put up with being bitten by a wolf but what properly riled them up was a bite from a sheep.

31 July 2010 | 17:54 | No Comments


Charles Harper Webb

Retreat

Before she can deliver
the cruncher,
I stride away backwards

My car door opens,
I fall in
as the engine fires.

I speed home in reverse,
unshave, unshower,
plop down in my easy chair

where, picturing what a good
night it’s going to be,
I slowly spit up

a manhattan – dry -
just the way
I like it.

22 July 2010 | 12:44 | No Comments


W H Auden

I Have No Gun, But I Can Spit

Some thirty inches from my nose
The frontier of my Person goes,
And all the untilled air between
Is private pagus or demesne.
Stranger, unless with bedroom eyes
I beckon you to fraternize,
Beware of rudely crossing it:
I have no gun, but I can spit.

16 July 2010 | 12:39 | No Comments


In the Whole Village

In the whole village
The husband alone
Does not know of it

18th Century Japanese poem

15 July 2010 | 7:53 | No Comments


Chrétien de Troyes

For hunger is a sauce, well blended and prepared, for any food.

13 July 2010 | 20:05 | No Comments


Giuseppe Peano

Peano Axioms of the Natural Numbers

1. 0 is a number.
2. The immediate successor of a number is also a number.
3. 0 is not the immediate successor of any number.
4. No two numbers have the same immediate successor.
5. Any property belonging to 0 and to the immediate successor of any number that also has that property belongs to all numbers.

9 July 2010 | 20:06 | No Comments


Charles E Carryl

The Sleepy Giant

My age is three hundred and seventy-two,
And I think, with the deepest regret,
How I used to pick up and voraciously chew
The dear little boys whom I met.
I’ve eaten them raw, in their holiday suits;
I’ve eaten them curried with rice;
I’ve eaten them baked, in their jackets and boots,
And found them exceedingly nice.
But now that my jaws are too weak for such fare,
I think it exceedingly rude
To do such a thing, when I’m quite well aware
Little boys do not like being chewed.

And so I contentedly live upon eels,
And try to do nothing amiss,
And I pass all the time I can spare from my meals
In innocent slumber — like this.

6 July 2010 | 10:20 | No Comments


Ambrose Bierce

Alone (in bad company).

3 July 2010 | 22:20 | No Comments


Josh Billings

It is better to know nothing than to know what ain’t so.

28 June 2010 | 18:37 | No Comments


T E Lawrence

All men dream: but not equally, Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, to make it possible. This I did.

22 June 2010 | 19:57 | 1 Comment


Seneca the Elder

The whole world would have been destroyed if pity did not put an end to anger.

20 June 2010 | 8:07 | No Comments


Philip Larkin

As I get older I get increasingly impatient of holidays they seem to me to be an entirely feminine conception based on an impotent dislike of every day life and the romantic notion that it will all be better in Frinton or Venice

17 June 2010 | 6:50 | No Comments


Philip Larkin

A writer once said to me, If you ever go to America, go either to the East Coast or the West Coast: the rest is a desert full of bigots. That’s what I think I’d like: where if you help a girl trim the Christmas tree you’re regarded as engaged, and her brothers start oiling their shotguns if you don’t call on the minister.

16 June 2010 | 6:45 | No Comments


Japanese Proverb

Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.

15 June 2010 | 21:22 | No Comments


Arthur Miller

The structure of a play is always the story of how the birds came home to roost.

11 June 2010 | 20:54 | No Comments


George Polya

The best of ideas is hurt by uncritical acceptance and thrives on critical examination

9 June 2010 | 21:42 | No Comments


Elizabeth Gaskell

Were all men equal to-night, some would get the start by rising an hour earlier to-morrow.

8 June 2010 | 18:59 | No Comments


Stephen Crane

A singular disadvantage of the sea lies in the fact that after successfully surmounting one wave you discover that there is another behind it just as important and just as nervously anxious to do something effective in the way of swamping boats.

6 June 2010 | 15:53 | No Comments


Richard Feynman

Science is the belief in the ignorance of experts.

28 May 2010 | 23:33 | No Comments


Piet Hein

Originality

Original thought
is a straightforward process.
It’s easy enough
when you know what to do.
You simply combine
in appropriate doses
the blatantly false
and the patently true.

23 May 2010 | 19:09 | No Comments


Stephen Jay Gould

Details are all that matters: God dwells there, and you never get to see Him if you don’t struggle to get them right.

22 May 2010 | 22:07 | No Comments


Matsuo Basho

The haiku that reveals seventy to eighty percent of its subject is good. Those that reveal fifty to sixty percent, we never tire of.

21 May 2010 | 19:01 | No Comments


George Gamow

There was a young fellow from Trinity,
Who took the square root of infinity.
But the number of digits,
Gave him the fidgets;
He dropped Math and took up Divinity.

11 May 2010 | 17:49 | No Comments


George Catlin

Happiness is not an island, but a hill.

10 May 2010 | 9:24 | No Comments


George Bernard Shaw

A movement which is confined to philosophers and honest men can never exercise any real political influence: there are too few of them. Until a movement shews itself capable of spreading among brigands, it can never hope for a political majority.

9 May 2010 | 19:22 | No Comments


Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

Politics: a Trojan horse race.

8 May 2010 | 11:29 | No Comments


Piet Hein

Majority Rule

His party was the Brotherhood of Brothers,
and there were more of them than of the others.
That is, they constituted that minority
which formed the greater part of the majority.
Within the party, he was of the faction
that was supported by the greater fraction.
And in each group, within each group, he sought
the group that could command the most support.
The final group had finally elected
a triumvirate whom they all respected.
Now, of these three, two had final word,
because the two could overrule the third.
One of these two was relatively weak,
so one alone stood at the final peak.
He was: THE GREATER NUMBER of the pair
which formed the most part of the three that were
elected by the most of those whose boast
it was to represent the most of the most
of most of most of the entire state –
or of the most of it at any rate.
He never gave himself a moment’s slumber
but sought the welfare of the greater number.
And all people, everywhere they went,
knew to their cost exactly what it meant
to be dictated to by the majority.
But that meant nothing, — they were the minority.

7 May 2010 | 8:29 | No Comments


Tom Stoppard

It’s is not the voting that’s democracy; it’s the counting

6 May 2010 | 22:01 | No Comments


John Locke

That which is static and repetitive is boring. That which is dynamic and random is confusing. In between lies art.

3 May 2010 | 20:53 | No Comments


Anton Chekhov

Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.

2 May 2010 | 8:23 | No Comments


Tom Stoppard

From “The Real Thing”

ANNIE: You’re jealous of the idea of the writer. You want to keep it sacred, special, not something anybody can do. Some of us have it, some of us don’t. We write, you get written about. What gets you about Brodie is he doesn’t know his place. You say he can’t write like a head waiter saying you can’t come in here without a tie. Because he can’t put words together. What’s so good about putting words together?

HENRY: It’s traditionally considered advantageous for a writer.

ANNIE: He’s not a writer. He’s a convict. You’re a writer. You write because you’re a writer. Even you write about something, you have to think up something to write about just so you can keep writing. More well chosen words nicely put together. So what? Why should that be it? Who says?

HENRY: Nobody says. It just works best.

ANNIE: Of course it works. You teach a lot of people what to expect from good writing, and you end up with a lot of people saying you write well. Then somebody who isn’t in on the game comes along, like Brodie, who really has something to write about, something real, and you can’t get through it. Well, he couldn’t get through yours, so where are you? To you, he can’t write. To him, write is all you can do.

HENRY: Jesus, Annie, you’re beginning to appall me. There’s something scary about stupidity made coherent. I can deal with idiots, and I can deal with sensible argument, but I don’t know how to deal with you. Where’s my cricket bat?

ANNIE: Your cricket bat?

HENRY: Yes. It’s a new approach. [He heads out into the hall.]

ANNIE: Are you trying to be funny?

HENRY: No, I’m serious. [He goes out while she watches in wary disbelief. He returns with an old cricket bat.]

ANNIE: You better not be.

HENRY: Right, you silly cow —

ANNIE: Don’t you bloody dare —

HENRY: Shut up and listen. This thing here, which looks like a wooden club, is actually several pieces of particular wood cunningly put together in a certain way so that the whole thing is sprung, like a dance floor. It’s for hitting cricket balls with. If you get it right, the cricket ball will travel two hundred yards in four seconds, and all you’ve done is give it a knock like knocking the top off a bottle of stout, and it makes a noise like a trout taking a fly… [He clucks his tongue to make the noise.] What we’re trying to do is to write cricket bats, so that when we throw up an idea and give it a little knock, it might … travel … [He clucks his tongue again and picks up the script.] Now, what we’ve got here is a lump of wood of roughly the same shape trying to be a cricket bat, and if you hit a ball with it, the ball will travel about ten feet and you will drop the bat and dance about shouting Ouch! with your hands stuck into your armpits. This isn’t better because someone says it’s better, or because there’s a conspiracy by the MCC to keep cudgels out of Lords. It’s better because it’s better. You don’t believe me, so I suggest you go out to bat with this and see how you get on. [quoting from the play] You’re a strange boy, Billy, how old are you? Twenty, but I’ve lived more than you’ll ever live. Ooh, ouch! [He drops the script and hops about with his hands in his armpits, going Ouch! ANNIE watches him expressionlessly until he desists.]

[a few exchanges later]

HENRY: ……I can’t help somebody who thinks, or thinks he thinks, that editing a newspaper is censorship, or that throwing bricks is a demonstration while building tower blocks is social violence, or that unpalatable statement is provocation while disrupting the speaker is the exercise of free speech… Words don’t deserve that kind of malarkey. They’re innocent, neutral, precise, standing for this, describing that, meaning the other, so if you look after them you can build bridges across incomprehension and chaos. But when they get their corners knocked off, they’re no good any more, and Brodie knocks corners off without knowing he’s doing it. So everything he writes is jerry-built. It’s rubbish. An intelligent child could push it over. I don’t think writers are sacred, but words are. They deserve respect. If you get the right ones in the right order, you can nudge the world a little or make a poem which children will speak for you when you’re dead.

1 May 2010 | 22:57 | No Comments


John W Gardner

An excellent plumber is infinitely more admirable than an incompetent philosopher. The society which scorns excellence in plumbing because plumbing is a humble activity and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exalted activity will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy. Neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water.

28 April 2010 | 18:10 | 1 Comment


Wallace Stevens

Rationalists, wearing square hats,
Think, in square rooms,
Looking at the floor,
Looking at the ceiling.
They confine themselves
To right-angled triangles.
If they tried rhomboids,
Cones, waving lines, ellipses –
As, for example, the ellipse of the half-moon –
Rationalists would wear sombreros.

26 April 2010 | 6:15 | No Comments


Max Lerner

I am neither an optimist nor pessimist, but a possibilist.

25 April 2010 | 19:48 | No Comments


Ralph Waldo Emerson

To live without duties is obscene.

24 April 2010 | 21:30 | No Comments


Sir Frederick Hoyle

Space isn’t remote at all. It’s only an hour’s drive away if your car could go straight upwards.

21 April 2010 | 11:48 | No Comments


Ernest C. Cowper

of Elbert Hubbard who died in the sinking of the Lusitania.

I can not say specifically where your father and Mrs. Hubbard were when the torpedoes hit, but I can tell you just what happened after that. They emerged from their room, which was on the port side of the vessel, and came on to the boat-deck.

Neither appeared perturbed in the least. Your father and Mrs. Hubbard linked arms — the fashion in which they always walked the deck — and stood apparently wondering what to do. I passed him with a baby which I was taking to a lifeboat when he said, “Well, Jack, they have got us. They are a damn sight worse than I ever thought they were.”

They did not move very far away from where they originally stood. As I moved to the other side of the ship, in preparation for a jump when the right moment came, I called to him, “What are you going to do?” and he just shook his head, while Mrs. Hubbard smiled and said, “There does not seem to be anything to do.”

The expression seemed to produce action on the part of your father, for then he did one of the most dramatic things I ever saw done. He simply turned with Mrs. Hubbard and entered a room on the top deck, the door of which was open, and closed it behind him.
It was apparent that his idea was that they should die together, and not risk being parted on going into the water.

20 April 2010 | 20:47 | No Comments


Albert Camus

There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.

20 April 2010 | 6:52 | No Comments


Aesop

The fly sat upon the axel-tree of the chariot-wheel and said, What a dust do I raise!

18 April 2010 | 20:00 | No Comments


James Carville

Election Haiku

Change vs. more of the same
The economy, stupid
Don’t forget health care.

10 April 2010 | 23:20 | No Comments


Joan Robinson

The purpose of studying economics is not to acquire a set of ready-made answers to economic questions, but to learn how to avoid being deceived by economists.

9 April 2010 | 21:29 | No Comments


George Eliot

An election is coming. Universal peace is declared, and the foxes have a sincere interest in prolonging the lives of the poultry.

7 April 2010 | 12:03 | No Comments


Genghis Khan

Conquering the world on horseback is easy; it is dismounting and governing that is hard.

5 April 2010 | 22:12 | No Comments


Boris Yeltsin

John Major: “What is the situation like in Russia”

Boris Yeltsin: “Good”

John Major: “Could you expand on that”

Boris Yeltsin: “Not Good”

3 April 2010 | 16:43 | No Comments


John Maynard Keynes

Practical men, who believe themselves to be quite exempt from any intellectual influence, are usually the slave of some defunct economist.

2 April 2010 | 17:36 | No Comments


Linus Pauling

I have something that I call my Golden Rule. It goes something like this: ‘Do unto others twenty-five percent better than you expect them to do unto you.’ ….. The twenty-five percent is for error.

27 March 2010 | 23:00 | No Comments


A A Milne

Daffodowndilly

She wore her yellow sun-bonnet,
She wore her greenest gown;
She turned to the south wind
And curtsied up and down.
She turned to the sunlight
And shook her yellow head,
And whispered to her neighbour:
“Winter is dead.”

21 March 2010 | 8:41 | No Comments


Elbert Hubbard

Literature is the noblest of all the arts. Music dies on the air, or at best exists only as a memory; oratory ceases with the effort; the painter’s colors fade and the canvas rots; the marble is dragged from its pedestal and is broken into fragments.

20 March 2010 | 14:03 | No Comments


Samuel Butler

There are more fools than knaves in the world, else the knaves would not have enough to live upon.

13 March 2010 | 18:47 | No Comments


Arthur Stanley Eddington

Shuffling is the only thing which Nature cannot undo.

27 February 2010 | 23:01 | No Comments


Willard van Orman Quine

Nonbeing must in some sense be, otherwise what is it that there is not? This tangled doctrine might be nicknamed Plato’s beard; historically it has proved tough, frequently dulling the edge of Occam’s razor.

26 February 2010 | 20:40 | No Comments


William Pitt the Younger

Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves.

23 February 2010 | 22:20 | No Comments


Gottfried Leibniz

But when a rule is extremely complex, that which conforms to it passes for random.

22 February 2010 | 22:10 | No Comments


Wolcott Gibbs

Backward ran sentences until reeled the mind… Where it all will end, knows God!

20 February 2010 | 11:46 | No Comments


Stanislaw Ulam

The mathematicians know a great deal about very little and the physicists very little about a great deal.

14 February 2010 | 22:39 | No Comments


Bill Nye

Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.

7 February 2010 | 14:39 | No Comments


J B S Haldane

It seems to me immensely unlikely that mind is a mere by-product of matter. For if my mental processes are determined wholly by the motions of atoms in my brain I have no reason to suppose that my beliefs are true. They may be sound chemically, but that does not make them sound logically. And hence I have no reason for supposing my brain to be composed of atoms.

6 February 2010 | 7:31 | No Comments


H L Mencken

Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice.

5 February 2010 | 22:53 | No Comments


Thomas Merton

The biggest human temptation is … to settle for too little.

4 February 2010 | 23:18 | No Comments


Brian O’Nolan

“You told me what the first rule of wisdom is,” I said. “What is the second rule?”
“That can be answered,” he said. “There are five in all. Always ask any questions that are to be asked and never answer any. Turn everything you hear to your own advantage. Always carry a repair outfit. Take left turns as much as possible. Never apply your front brake first…If you follow them,” said the Sergeant, “you will save your soul and you will never get a fall on a slippy road.”

30 January 2010 | 17:39 | No Comments


Fyodor Dostoevsky

Every man has some reminiscences which he would not tell to everyone, but only to his friends. He has others which he would not reveal even to his friends, but only to himself, and that in secret. But finally there are still others which a man is even afraid to tell himself, and every decent man has a considerable number of such things stored away. That is, one can even say that the more decent he is, the greater the number of such things in his mind.

24 January 2010 | 20:01 | No Comments


Wendy Cope

The Widow

I like this piece. I think you’d like it too.
We didn’t very often disagree
Back in the days when I sat here with you
And knew that you were coming home with me.
This is the future. It arrived so fast.
When we were young it seemed so far away.
Our years together vanished like a day
At nightfall, sealed for ever in the past.
I can’t give up on music, just discard
The interest we shared because you died.
And so I come to concerts. But it’s hard.
Tonight I’m doing well. I haven’t cried.
My head aches. There’s a tightness in my throat.
And you will never hear another note.

23 January 2010 | 21:27 | 1 Comment


Lord Byron

To my extreme mortification, I grow wiser every day.

20 January 2010 | 20:56 | No Comments


Alexander Pope

To be angry, is to revenge the fault of others upon ourselves.

17 January 2010 | 23:52 | No Comments


Thomas Traherne

As nothing is more easy than to think, so nothing is more difficult than to think well.

12 January 2010 | 22:30 | No Comments


Alexander Pope

A little Learning is a dang’rous Thing;
Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian Spring:
There shallow Draughts intoxicate the Brain,
And drinking largely sobers us again.
Fir’d at first Sight with what the Muse imparts,
In fearless Youth we tempt the Heights of Arts,
While from the bounded Level of our Mind,
Short Views we take, nor see the lengths behind,
But more advanc’d, behold with strange Surprize
New, distant Scenes of endless Science rise!
So pleas’d at first, the towring Alps we try,
Mount o’er the Vales, and seem to tread the Sky;
Th’ Eternal Snows appear already past,
And the first Clouds and Mountains seem the last:
But those attain’d, we tremble to survey
The growing Labours of the lengthen’d Way,
Th’ increasing Prospect tires our wandering Eyes,
Hills peep o’er Hills, and Alps on Alps arise!

11 January 2010 | 10:18 | No Comments


E B White

A poet dares be just so clear and no clearer… He unzips the veil from beauty, but does not remove it. A poet utterly clear is a trifle glaring.

10 January 2010 | 15:07 | No Comments


Mark Twain (well possibly)

History does not repeat itself – but it rhymes.

9 January 2010 | 14:51 | No Comments


Ernest Hemingway

That is what we are supposed to do when we are at our best — make it all up — but make it up so truly that later it will happen that way.

2 January 2010 | 8:22 | No Comments


Robert A Heinlein

Take sides! Always take sides! You will sometimes be wrong — but the man who refuses to take sides must always be wrong.

1 January 2010 | 14:00 | No Comments


Wendy Cope

Cathedral Carol Service

Those of us who are not important enough
To have places reserved for us
And who turned up too late to get a seat at all,
Stand in the nave aisles, or perch on stone ledges.

We shiver in the draught from the west door.
We cannot see the choir, the altar or the candles.
We can barely see the words on our service sheets.

But we can hear the music. And we can sing
For the baby whose parents were not important enough
To have a place reserved for them,
And who turned up too late to get a room at all.

26 December 2009 | 10:46 | No Comments


G K Chesterton

A Christmas Carol

The Christ-child lay on Mary’s lap,
His hair was like a light.
(O weary, weary were the world,
But here is all aright.)

The Christ-child lay on Mary’s breast
His hair was like a star.
(O stern and cunning are the kings,
But here the true hearts are.)

The Christ-child lay on Mary’s heart,
His hair was like a fire.
(O weary, weary is the world,
But here the world’s desire.)

The Christ-child stood on Mary’s knee,
His hair was like a crown,
And all the flowers looked up at Him,
And all the stars looked down

25 December 2009 | 10:17 | No Comments


Charles Dickens

I’Yo Ho! my boys,” said Fezziwig. “No more work to-night! Christmas Eve, Dick! Christmas, Ebenezer! Let’s have the shutters up!” cried old Fezziwig with a sharp clap of his hands, “before a man can say Jack
Robinson. . . .”

“Hilli-ho!” cried old Fezziwig, skipping down from the high desk with wonderful agility. “Clear away, my lads, and let’s have lots of room here! Hilli-ho, Dick! Cheer-up, Ebenezer!”

Clear away! There was nothing they wouldn’t have cleared away, or couldn’t have cleared away with old Fezziwig looking on. It was done in a minute. Every movable was packed off, as if it were dismissed from public life forevermore; the floor was swept and watered, the lamps were trimmed, fuel was heaped upon the fire; and the warehouse was as snug, and warm, and dry, and bright a ballroom as you would desire to
see on a winter’s night.

In came a fiddler with a music book, and went up to the lofty desk and made an orchestra of it and tuned like fifty stomach aches. In came Mrs. Fezziwig, one vast substantial smile. In came the three Misses Fezziwig, beaming and lovable. In came the six followers whose hearts they broke. In came all the young men and women employed in the business. In came the housemaid with her cousin the baker. In came the cook with her brother’s particular friend the milkman. In came the boy from over the way, who was suspected of not having board enough from his master, trying to hide himself behind the girl from next door but one who was proved to have had her ears pulled by her mistress; in they all came, any-how and every-how. Away they all went, twenty couple at once; hands half round and back again the other way; down the middle and up again; round and round in various stages of affectionate grouping, old top couple always turning up in the wrong place; new top couple starting off again, as soon as they got there; all top couples at last, and not a bottom one to help them.

When this result was brought about the fiddler struck up “Sir Roger de Coverley.” Then old Fezziwig stood out to dance with Mrs. Fezziwig. Top couple, too, with a good stiff piece of work cut out for them; three or four and twenty pairs of partners; people who were not to be trifled with; people who would dance and had no notion of walking.

But if they had been thrice as many, oh, four times as many, old Fezziwig would have been a match for them, and so would Mrs. Fezziwig. As to her, she was worthy to be his partner in every sense of the term. If that’s not high praise, tell me higher and I’ll use it. A positive light appeared to issue from Fezziwig’s calves. They shone in every part of the dance like moons. You couldn’t have predicted at any given time what would become of them next. And when old Fezziwig and Mrs. Fezziwig had gone all through the dance, advance and retire; both hands to your partner, bow and courtesy, corkscrew, thread the needle, and back again to your place; Fezziwig cut so deftly that he appeared to wink with his legs, and came upon his feet again with a stagger.

When the clock struck eleven the domestic ball broke up. Mr. and Mrs. Fezziwig took their stations, one on either side of the door, and shaking hands with every person individually, as he or she went out, wished him or her a Merry Christmas!.

24 December 2009 | 19:08 | No Comments


G K Chesterton

Many clever men like you have trusted to civilization. Many clever Babylonians, many clever Egyptians, many clever men at the end of Rome. Can you tell me, in a world that is flagrant with the failures of civilisation, what there is particularly immortal about yours?

23 December 2009 | 14:45 | No Comments


I saw…

I Saw a Peacock, with a fiery tail,
I saw a Blazing Comet, drop down hail,
I saw a Cloud, with Ivy circled round,
I saw a sturdy Oak, creep on the ground,
I saw a Pismire, swallow up a Whale,
I saw a raging Sea, brim full of Ale,
I saw a Venice Glass, Sixteen foot deep,
I saw a well, full of mens tears that weep,
I saw their eyes, all in a flame of fire,
I saw a House, as big as the Moon and higher,
I saw the Sun, even in the midst of night,
I saw the man, that saw this wondrous sight.

19 December 2009 | 15:30 | No Comments


Jean Guitton

Originality exists in every individual becasue each of us differs from the others. We are all primary numbers divisible only by ourselves.

18 December 2009 | 21:38 | No Comments


J K Galbraith

All successful revolutions are the kicking in of a rotten door.

17 December 2009 | 23:03 | No Comments


Wolfgang Pauli

I don’t mind your thinking slowly; I mind your publishing faster than you think.

15 December 2009 | 7:17 | No Comments


Edward Ruscha

Bad art is ‘Wow! Huh?’ Good art is ‘Huh? Wow!

12 December 2009 | 13:54 | No Comments


John Milton

On His Blindness

When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one talent which is death to hide
Lodg’d with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest he returning chide,
“Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?”
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies: “God doth not need
Either man’s work or his own gifts: who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly; thousands at his bidding speed
And post o’er land and ocean without rest:
They also serve who only stand and wait.”

8 December 2009 | 18:32 | No Comments


Cyril Connolly

The books I haven’t written are better than the books other people have.

6 December 2009 | 13:19 | No Comments


Benjamin Franklin

What’s a sundial in the shade?

5 December 2009 | 20:41 | No Comments


James Bovard

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.

27 November 2009 | 17:35 | No Comments


David Brooks

Friends are a group of people who share a mutual inability to take each other seriously.

22 November 2009 | 21:08 | No Comments


Worst Enemny

Said of Herbert Morrison: “…he is his own worst enemy” to which Ernest Bevin immediately interjected “Not while I’m alive, he ain’t.”

16 November 2009 | 13:50 | No Comments


Steven King

A secret needs two faces to bounce between; a secret needs to see itself in another pair of eyes.

14 November 2009 | 11:19 | No Comments


John McCrae

In Flanders Field

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie,
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

8 November 2009 | 12:15 | No Comments


Theodore Zeldin

The kind of conversation I like is one in which you are prepared to emerge a slightly different person.

6 November 2009 | 7:07 | No Comments


Piet Hein

Timing Toast

Grook on how to char for yourself

There’s an art of knowing when,
Never try to guess
Toast until it smokes and then
twenty seconds less.

3 November 2009 | 17:08 | No Comments


Lord Byron

The Destruction of Sennacherib

The Assyrian came down like the wolf on the fold,
And his cohorts were gleaming in purple and gold;
And the sheen of their spears was like stars on the sea,
When the blue wave rolls nightly on deep Galilee.
Like the leaves of the forest when Summer is green,
That host with their banners at sunset were seen:
Like the leaves of the forest when Autumn hath blown,
That host on the morrow lay withered and strown.
For the Angel of Death spread his wings on the blast,
And breathed in the face of the foe as he passed;
And the eyes of the sleepers waxed deadly and chill,
And their hearts but once heaved, and for ever grew still!
And there lay the steed with his nostril all wide,
But through it there rolled not the breath of his pride;
And the foam of his gasping lay white on the turf,
And cold as the spray of the rock-beating surf.
And there lay the rider distorted and pale,
With the dew on his brow, and the rust on his mail:
And the tents were all silent, the banners alone,
The lances unlifted, the trumpet unblown.
And the widows of Ashur are loud in their wail,
And the idols are broke in the temple of Baal;
And the might of the Gentile, unsmote by the sword,
Hath melted like snow in the glance of the Lord!

1 November 2009 | 8:19 | No Comments


Charles Baudelaire

The study of beauty is a duel in which the artist cries out in terror before being defeated.

30 October 2009 | 8:54 | No Comments


G K Chesterton

Materialists and madmen never have doubts.

26 October 2009 | 7:50 | No Comments


Richard Cecil

Duties are ours; events are God’s. This removes an infinite burden from the shoulders of a miserable, tempted, dying creature. On this consideration only, can he securely lay down his head, and close his eyes.

25 October 2009 | 22:00 | No Comments


T E Hulme

Autumn

A touch of cold in the Autumn night –

I walked abroad,
And saw the ruddy moon lean over a hedge
Like a red-faced farmer.
I did not stop to speak, but nodded,
And round about were the wistful stars
With white faces like town children.

24 October 2009 | 7:14 | No Comments


Buckminster Fuller

You can’t change anything by fighting or resisting it. You change something by making it obsolete through superior methods.

23 October 2009 | 23:25 | No Comments


Richard Feynman

Philosophy of science is about as useful to scientists as ornithology is to birds.

21 October 2009 | 21:32 | No Comments


Carl Sagan

Dreams are maps

20 October 2009 | 22:01 | No Comments


Anatole Broyard

A good book is never exhausted. It goes on whispering to you from the wall.

19 October 2009 | 21:13 | No Comments


Frank Lloyd Wright

The scientist has marched in and taken the place of the poet. But one day somebody will find the solution to the problems of the world and remember, it will be a poet, not a scientist.

18 October 2009 | 22:04 | No Comments


Jules Henri Poincaré

Mathematics is the art of giving the same name to different things.

17 October 2009 | 8:05 | No Comments


Maggie Kuhn

Stand before the people you fear and speak your mind — even if your voice shakes.

16 October 2009 | 23:32 | No Comments


Eugene Wilson

Only the curious will learn and only the resolute overcome the obstacles to learning. The Quest Quotient has always interested me more than the Intelligence Quotient.

12 October 2009 | 20:45 | No Comments


Robert Southey

The Old Man’s Comforts

and how he gained them

You are old, Father William the young man cried,
The few locks which are left you are grey;
You are hale, Father William, a hearty old man,
Now tell me the reason, I pray.

In the days of my youth, Father William replied,
I remember’d that youth would fly fast,
And abused not my health and my vigour at first,
That I never might need them at last.

You are old, Father William, the young man cried,
And pleasures with youth pass away;
And yet you lament not the days that are gone,
Now tell me the reason, I pray.

In the days of my youth, Father William replied,
I remember’d that youth could not last;
I thought of the future, whatever I did,
That I never might grieve for the past.

You are old, Father William, the young man cried,
And life must be hastening away;
You are cheerful, and love to converse upon death,
Now tell me the reason, I pray.

I am cheerful, young man, Father William replied,
Let the cause thy attention engage;
In the days of my youth I remember’d my God!
And He hath not forgotten my age.

9 October 2009 | 21:00 | 1 Comment


Ernst Mach

Explanation is nothing but condensed descriptions.

8 October 2009 | 20:41 | No Comments


Michael Torke

Why waste money on psychotherapy when you can listen to the B Minor Mass?

4 October 2009 | 20:44 | No Comments


William Shakespeare

Good name in man and woman, dear my lord,
Is the immediate jewel of their souls:
Who steals my purse steals trash; ’tis something, nothing;
‘Twas mine, ’tis his, and has been slave to thousands:
But he that filches from me my good name
Robs me of that which not enriches him
And makes me poor indeed.

3 October 2009 | 14:29 | No Comments


Virginia Graham

Hope

No faith in the hour of betrayal
No scorning of lions’ jaws,
No heart of grace in the battle-field,
No faith in a faithless cause,
No hope in the days of bondage
Has ever more valiant shone
Than the hope that hopes for a taxi,
When the last bus has gone.

30 September 2009 | 6:51 | No Comments


G K Chesterton

Men do not differ much about what things they will call evils; they differ enormously about what evils they will call excusable.

29 September 2009 | 22:16 | No Comments


Randy Alcorn

You are the descendant of a tiny cell of primordial protoplasm washed up on an empty beach three and a half billion years ago. You are the blind and arbitrary product of time, chance, and natural forces. You are a mere grab-bag of atomic particles, a conglomeration of genetic substance. You exist on a tiny planet in a minute solar system in an empty corner of a universe. You are a purely biological entity, different only in degree but not in kind from a microbe, virus, or amoeba. You have no essence beyond your body, and at death you will cease to exist entirely. In short you come from nothing and are going to nowhere.

You are the special creation of a good and all-powerful God. You are created in His image; with capacities to think, feel, and worship that set you above all other life forms. You differ from the animals not simply in degree but in kind. Not only is your kind unique, but you are unique among you kind. Your Creator loves you so much and so intensely desires you companionship and affection that he has a perfect plan for you life. In addition God gave the life of His only son that you might spend eternity with Him. If you are willing to accept his gift of salvation, you can become a child of God.

27 September 2009 | 20:42 | No Comments


Richard Craycroft

The main problem with punctuality is that there is rarely anyone there to appreciate it.

26 September 2009 | 21:33 | No Comments


John Keats

Give me books, fruit, French wine and fine weather and a little music out of doors, played by someone I do not know.

24 September 2009 | 21:49 | No Comments


Junius

In a great business there is nothing so fatal as cunning management.

23 September 2009 | 21:09 | No Comments


Max Beerbohm

You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs. But by standing a flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men.

22 September 2009 | 21:09 | No Comments


Albert Einstein

The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.

18 September 2009 | 18:23 | No Comments


Siegbert Tarrasch

The beauty of a move lies not in its’ appearance but in the thought behind it.

17 September 2009 | 18:28 | No Comments


Thomas Traherne

Be not a bubble, be solid like God and let all thy worth be within.

6 September 2009 | 13:51 | No Comments


Douglas Adams

Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works. Anything that’s invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it. Anything invented after you’re thirty-five is against the natural order of things.

3 September 2009 | 7:50 | No Comments


Tom Stoppard

We shed as we pick up, like travellers who must carry everything in their arms, and what we let fall will be picked up by those behind. The procession is very long and life is very short. We die on the march. But there is nothing outside the march so nothing can be lost to it. The missing plays of Sophocles will turn up piece by piece, or be written again in another language. Ancient cures for diseases will reveal themselves once more. Mathematical discoveries glimpsed and lost to view will have their time again. You do not suppose, my lady, that if all of Archimedes had been hiding in the great library of Alexandria, we would be at a loss for a corkscrew?

1 September 2009 | 22:39 | No Comments


Salman Rushdie

Most of what matters in your life takes place in your absence.

30 August 2009 | 20:24 | No Comments


Jorge Luis Borges

Instants

If I could live again my life,
In the next – I’ll try,
- to make more mistakes,
I won’t try to be so perfect,
I’ll be more relaxed,
I’ll be more full – than I am now,
In fact, I’ll take fewer things seriously,
I’ll be less hygenic,
I’ll take more risks,
I’ll take more trips,
I’ll watch more sunsets,
I’ll climb more mountains,
I’ll swim more rivers,
I’ll go to more places – I’ve never been,
I’ll eat more ice creams and less (lime) beans,
I’ll have more real problems – and less imaginary
ones,
I was one of those people who live
prudent and prolific lives –
each minute of his life,
Offcourse that I had moments of joy – but,
if I could go back I’ll try to have only good moments,

If you don’t know – thats what life is made of,
Don’t lose the now!

I was one of those who never goes anywhere
without a thermometer,
without a hot-water bottle,
and without an umberella and without a parachute,

If I could live again – I will travel light,
If I could live again – I’ll try to work bare feet
at the beginning of spring till
the end of autumn,
I’ll ride more carts,
I’ll watch more sunrises and play with more children,
If I have the life to live – but now I am 85,
- and I know that I am dying …

22 August 2009 | 19:47 | 1 Comment


Laurence J Peter

The habitually punctual make all their mistakes right on time.

21 August 2009 | 20:59 | No Comments


Thomas Merton

The biggest human temptation … is to settle for too little.

20 August 2009 | 22:11 | No Comments


Richard Francis Burton

The dearest ambition of a slave is not liberty but to have a slave of his own.

18 August 2009 | 21:09 | No Comments


Prepositions

What did you bring that book that I don’t want to be read to out of about Down Under up for.

16 August 2009 | 9:38 | No Comments


E E Cummings

I begin [...] with an almost inconceivable assertion: I was born at home.

For the benefit of those of you who can’t imagine what the word “home” implies, or what a home could possibly have been like, I should explain that the idea of home is the idea of privacy. But again–what is privacy? You probably never heard of it. Even supposing that (from time to time) walls exist around you, those walls are no longer walls; they are merest pseudosolidities, perpetually penetrated by the perfectly predatory collective organs of sight and sound. Any apparent somewhere which you may inhabit is always at the mercy of a ruthless and omnivorous everywhere. The notion of a house, as one single definite particular and unique place to come into, from the anywhereish and everywhereish world outside–that notion must strike you as fantastic. You have been brought up to believe that a house, or a universe, or a you, or any other object, is only seemingly solid: really (and you are realists, whom nobody and nothing can deceive) each seeming solidity is a collection of large holes–and, in the case of a house, the larger the holes the better; since the principal function of a modern house is to admit whatever might otherwise remain outside. You haven’t the least or feeblest conception of being here, and now, and alone, and yourself. Why (you ask) should anyone want to be here, when (simply by pressing a button) anyone can be in fifty places at once? How could anyone want to be now, when anyone can go whening all over creation at the twist of a knob? What could induce anyone to desire aloneness, when billions of soi-disant dollars are mercifully squandered by a good and great government lest anyone anuywhere should ever for a single instant be alone? As for being yourself–why on earth should you be yourself; when instead of being yourself you can be a hundred, or a thousand, or a hundred thousand thousand, other people? The very thought of being oneself in an epoch or interchangeable selves must appear supremely ridiculous.

15 August 2009 | 7:00 | 1 Comment


George Macdonald

A condition which of declension would indicate a devil, may of growth indicate a saint.

14 August 2009 | 21:58 | No Comments


Thomas Taylor

Too many young people itch for what they want without scratching for it.

9 August 2009 | 20:50 | No Comments


A P Herbert

A man who has made up his mind on a given subject twenty-five years ago and continues to hold his political opinions after he has been proved to be wrong is a man of principle; while he who from time to time adapts his opinions to the changing circumstances of life is an opportunist.

7 August 2009 | 20:22 | No Comments


Rabbi Zusya

In the world to come, I shall not be asked, “Why were you not Moses?” I shall be asked, “Why were you not Zusya?”

6 August 2009 | 21:20 | No Comments


Samuel Johnson

Sir, I am a better judge of mutton than any sheep.

31 July 2009 | 21:48 | No Comments


Carol Ann Duffy

Last Post

In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If poetry could tell it backwards, true, begin
that moment shrapnel scythed you to the stinking mud…
but you get up, amazed, watch bled bad blood
run upwards from the slime into its wounds;
see lines and lines of British boys rewind
back to their trenches, kiss the photographs from home-
mothers, sweethearts, sisters, younger brothers
not entering the story now
to die and die and die.
Dulce- No- Decorum- No- Pro patria mori.
You walk away.

You walk away; drop your gun (fixed bayonet)
like all your mates do too-
Harry, Tommy, Wilfred, Edward, Bert-
and light a cigarette.
There’s coffee in the square,
warm French bread
and all those thousands dead
are shaking dried mud from their hair
and queuing up for home. Freshly alive,
a lad plays Tipperary to the crowd, released
from History; the glistening, healthy horses fit for heroes, kings.

You lean against a wall,
your several million lives still possible
and crammed with love, work, children, talent, English beer, good food.
You see the poet tuck away his pocket-book and smile.
If poetry could truly write it backwards,
then it would.

30 July 2009 | 6:54 | 1 Comment


Vladimir Horowitz

I am famous, but I am not well known.

29 July 2009 | 19:54 | No Comments


Will Cuppy

Aristotle taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons.

27 July 2009 | 21:52 | No Comments


Adam Lindsay Gordon

Life is mostly froth and bubble;
Two things stand like stone:
Kindness in another’s trouble,
Courage in our own.

25 July 2009 | 21:09 | No Comments


Benjamin Jowett

Don’t expect too much and don’t attempt too little.

22 July 2009 | 18:41 | No Comments


Inscription found in a fragment of the Great Wall of China

1) The Three Good Things
a) Certainty held in Reserve.
b) Unexpected Praise from and Artist.
c) Discovery of Nobility in Oneself.

2) The Three Bad Things
a) Unworthiness crowned.
b) Unconscious Infraction of the the Laws of Behaviour.
c) Friendly Condescension of the Imperfectly Educated.

3) The Three Things of both Good and Bad Effect
a) Triumphant Anger.
b) Banquets of the Rich.
c) Honour preserved.

20 July 2009 | 22:13 | No Comments


C S Lewis

If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is not part of the Christian faith.

Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak.

We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

19 July 2009 | 14:08 | No Comments


W H Auden

The poet who writes “free” verse is like Robinson Crusoe on his desert island: he must do all his cooking, laundry and darning for himself. In a few exceptional cases, this manly independence produces something original and impressive, but more often the result is squalor – dirty sheets on the unmade bed and empty bottles on the unswept floor.

18 July 2009 | 20:49 | No Comments


Raymond Duncan

The best substitute for experience is being sixteen.

16 July 2009 | 22:07 | No Comments


Ambrose Bierce

In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.

14 July 2009 | 16:15 | No Comments


Anthony Trollope

A small task, if it be really daily, will beat the labors of a spasmodic Hercules.

13 July 2009 | 17:14 | No Comments


Clive James

When we were kids we fought in the mock battle
With Ned Kelly cap guns and we opened the cold bottle
Of Shelley’s lemonade with a Scout belt buckle.
We cracked the passion fruit and sipped the honeysuckle.

When we were kids we lit the Thundercracker
Under the fruit tin and we sucked the all day sucker.
We opened the shoe box to watch the silk-worms spinning
Cocoons of cirrus with oriental cunning.

When we were kids we were sun-burned to a frazzle.
The beach was a griddle, you could hear us spit and sizzle.
We slept face down when our backs came out in blisters.
Teachers were famous for throwing blackboard dusters.

When we were kids we dive-bombed from the tower.
We floated in the inner tube, we bowled the rubber tyre.
From torn balloons we blew the cherry bubble.
Blowing up Frenchies could get you into trouble.

When we were kids we played at cock-a-lorum.
Gutter to gutter the boys ran harum-scarum.
The girls ran slower and their arms and legs looked funny.
You weren’t supposed to drink your school milk in the dunny.

When we were kids the licorice came in cables.
We traded Hubba-Hubba bubblegum for marbles.
A new connie-agate was a flower trapped in crystal
Worth just one go with a genuine air pistol.

When we were kids we threw the cigarette cards
Against the wall and we lined the Grenadier Guards
Up on the carpet and you couldn’t touch the trifle
Your Aunt Marge made to go in the church raffle.

When we were kids we hunted the cicada.
The pet cockatoo bit like a barracuda.
We were secret agents and fluent in pig Latin.
Gutsing on mulberries made our lips shine like black satin.

When we were kids we caught the Christmas beetle.
Its brittle wings were gold-green like the wattle.
Our mothers made bouquets from frangipani.
Hard to pronounce, a pink musk-stick cost a penny.

When we were kids we climbed peppercorns and willows.
We startled the stingrays when we waded in the shallows.
We mined the sand dunes in search of buried treasure,
And all this news pleased our parents beyond measure.

When we were kids the pus would wet the needle
When you dug out splinters and a piss was called a piddle.
The scabs on your knees would itch when they were ready
To be picked off your self-renewing body.

When we were kids a year would last forever.
Then we grew up and were told it was all over.
Now we are old and the memories returning
Are like the last stars that fade before the morning.

12 July 2009 | 20:20 | No Comments


Arthur Rubinstein

Person in a street near near Carnegie Hall: “Pardon me sir, how do I get to Carnegie Hall?”

Arthur Rubinstein: “Practice, practice, practice.”

11 July 2009 | 20:27 | No Comments


E H Gombrich

Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there.

10 July 2009 | 21:55 | No Comments


Jacques Derrida

To pretend, I actually do the thing: I have therefore only pretended to pretend.

6 July 2009 | 20:56 | 1 Comment


Alexander Pope

I believe no one qualification is so likely to make a good writer, as the power of rejecting his own thoughts.

5 July 2009 | 10:15 | No Comments


Johann von Neumann

In mathematics you don’t understand things. You just get used to them.

4 July 2009 | 7:17 | No Comments


Laurence J. Peter

Hot dogs: feeding the hand that bites it.

29 June 2009 | 22:03 | No Comments


Abraham Lincoln

As I would not be a slave, so I would not be a master.

28 June 2009 | 21:06 | No Comments


Charles II

I’m definitely the best king in England at the moment.

26 June 2009 | 21:27 | No Comments


Freeman Dyson

The more I examine the universe and the details of its architecture, the more evidence I find that the universe in some sense must have known we were coming.

25 June 2009 | 18:16 | No Comments


H L Mencken

Man weeps to think that he will die so soon; woman, that she was born so long ago.

24 June 2009 | 16:30 | No Comments


Richard Clopton

Clopton’s Law: For every credibility gab, there is a gullibility fill.

22 June 2009 | 21:33 | No Comments


Ammon Hennacy

Being a pacifist between wars is as easy as being a vegetarian between meals.

21 June 2009 | 13:14 | No Comments


Horace Mann

A teacher who is attempting to teach without inspiring the pupil with a desire to learn is hammering cold iron.

20 June 2009 | 21:07 | No Comments


Otto von Bismarck

He who is not a socialist at 19, has no heart. He who is still a socialist at 30, has no brain.

17 June 2009 | 21:12 | 1 Comment


Edgar Allan Poe

A Dream

In visions of the dark night
I have dreamed of joy departed-
But a waking dream of life and light
Hath left me broken-hearted.

Ah! what is not a dream by day
To him whose eyes are cast
On things around him with a ray
Turned back upon the past?

That holy dream- that holy dream,
While all the world were chiding,
Hath cheered me as a lovely beam
A lonely spirit guiding.

What though that light, thro’ storm and night,
So trembled from afar-
What could there be more purely bright
In Truth’s day-star?

15 June 2009 | 20:50 | No Comments


R M Rilke

He was a poet and hated the approximate.

9 June 2009 | 21:15 | No Comments


P G Wodehouse

He trusted neither of them as far as he could spit, and he was a poor spitter, lacking both distance and control.

7 June 2009 | 20:10 | No Comments


Peter Lynch

The person that turns over the most rocks wins the game.

5 June 2009 | 20:48 | No Comments


Cecil Baxter

You don’t get anything clean without getting something else dirty.

4 June 2009 | 18:57 | No Comments


Marie Curie

One never notices what has been done; one can only see what remains to be done.

1 June 2009 | 21:05 | No Comments


Samuel Taylor Coleridge

What is an epigram? A dwarfish whole, its body brevity, and wit its soul.

29 May 2009 | 21:45 | No Comments


Sir John Harington

That we may truly say this spoild the state.
Youthful counsel!, private gaine, partiail hate.

27 May 2009 | 20:57 | No Comments


Henry Ward Beecher

The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won’t.

25 May 2009 | 22:38 | No Comments


Benjamin Peirce

Mathematics is the science which draws necessary conclusions.

23 May 2009 | 22:45 | No Comments


Herman Melville

There are some enterprises in which a careful disorderliness is the true method.

21 May 2009 | 21:24 | No Comments


Edward Thomas

The Cherry Trees

The cherry trees bend over and are shedding,
On the old road where all that passed are dead,
Their petals, strewing the grass as for a wedding
This early May morn when there is none to wed.

19 May 2009 | 7:27 | No Comments


Hegel

Not curiosity, not vanity, not the consideration of expediency, not duty and conscientiousness, but an unquenchable, unhappy thirst that brooks no compromise leads us to truth.

18 May 2009 | 6:55 | No Comments


A E Houseman

Even when poetry has a meaning, as it usually has, it may be inadvisable to draw it out … and perfect understanding will sometimes almost extinguish pleasure.

17 May 2009 | 6:10 | No Comments


Oliver Cromwell

It is high time for me to put an end to your sitting in this place, which you have dishonored by your contempt of all virtue, and defiled by your practice of every vice; ye are a factious crew, and enemies to all good government; ye are a pack of mercenary wretches, and would like Esau sell your country for a mess of pottage, and like Judas betray your God for a few pieces of money.

Is there a single virtue now remaining amongst you? Is there one vice you do not possess? Ye have no more religion than my horse; gold is your God; which of you have not barter’d your conscience for bribes? Is there a man amongst you that has the least care for the good of the Commonwealth?

Ye sordid prostitutes have you not defil’d this sacred place, and turn’d the Lord’s temple into a den of thieves, by your immoral principles and wicked practices? Ye are grown intolerably odious to the whole nation; you were deputed here by the people to get grievances redress’d, are yourselves gone!
So! Take away that shining bauble there, and lock up the doors. In the name of God, go!

16 May 2009 | 22:27 | No Comments


Ian Fleming

Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action.

11 May 2009 | 22:43 | No Comments


H L Mencken

The natural tendency of every government is to grow steadily worse – that is, to grow more satisfactory to those who constitute it and less satisfactory to those who support it.

10 May 2009 | 11:50 | No Comments


Alexander Pope

To be angry, is to revenge the fault of others upon ourselves.

9 May 2009 | 20:59 | No Comments


A A Milne

My spelling is Wobbly. It’s good spelling but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places.

8 May 2009 | 21:00 | No Comments


H L Mencken

Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.

4 May 2009 | 15:26 | No Comments


Brian Patten

One thing about poetry’s eternally true:
The best reminds us of what we forgot we knew.

3 May 2009 | 21:50 | No Comments


Anneliese Emmans Dean

On The Role Of The Next Century’s Poet Laureate

Poetry!
Opium of the masses
Feed their habit
Feed their habit
Poetry
For the working classes
Let ‘em have it
Let ‘em have it
Poetry
Raise your champagne glasses
Chitter chat it
Chitter chat it
Poetry
For the lads and lasses
Twitter chav it
Twitter chav it
Poetry
With OAP bus passes
Zimmer jab it
Zimmer jab it
Poetry!
Opium of the masses
Live it, gab it
Give it, fab it
Pitter-pat it
Tit-for-tat it
Skit it, scat it
Brit it, bat it!

2 May 2009 | 6:23 | No Comments


Anneliese Emmans Dean

on the appointment of Carol Ann Duffy as Poet Laureate

Where there is discord, may you bring euphony
Where there is error, may you bring scansion
Where there is doubt, may you bring rhyme
And where there are royal weddings
May you bring sonnets of sterling sincerity
(Or, failing that, limericks.)

1 May 2009 | 17:14 | No Comments


Hilaire Belloc

The Tiger

The tiger, on the other hand,
Is kittenish and mild,
And makes a pretty playfellow
For any little child.
And mothers of large families
(Who claim to common sense)
Will find a tiger well repays
The trouble and expense.

30 April 2009 | 20:52 | No Comments


Lewis Mumford

I’m a pessimist about probabilities; I’m an optimist about possibilities.

29 April 2009 | 20:48 | No Comments


Anicius Manlius Severinus Boethius

Mutability is our tragedy, but it’s also our hope.

28 April 2009 | 23:21 | No Comments


Steven Heighton

Some other Just Ones

a footnote to Borges

The printer who sets this page with skill, though he may not admire it.

Singers of solo expertise who defer and find harmonies instead.

Anyone whose skeleton is susceptible to music.

She who, having loved a book or record, instantly passes it on.

Whose heart lilts at a span of vacant highway, the fervent surge of acceleration, psalm of the tires.

Adults content to let children bury them in sand or leaves.

Those for whom sustaining hatred is a difficulty.

Surprised by tenderness on meeting, at a reunion, the persecutors of their youth.

Likely to forget debts owed them but never a debt they owe.

Apt to read Plutarch or Thich Naht Hahn with the urgency of one reading the morning news.

Frightened ones who fight to keep fear from keeping them from life.

The barber who, no matter how long the line, will not rush the masterful shave or cut.

The small-scale makers of precious obscurios – pomegranate spoons, conductors’ batons, harpsichord tuning hammers, War of 1812 re-enactors’ ramrods, hand-cranks for hurdy-gurdies.

The gradeschool that renewed the brownfields back of the A & P and made them ample miraculous May and June.

The streetgang that casts no comment as they thin out to let Bob the barking man squawk past them on the sidewalk.

The two African medical students in Belgrade, 1983, who seeing a traveller lost and broke took him in and fed him rice and beans cooked over a camp stove in their cubicle of a room and let him sleep there while one of them studied all night at the desk between the beds with the lamp swung low.

Those who sit on front porches, not in fenced privacy, in the erotic inaugural summer night steam.

Who redeem from neglect a gorgeous, long-orphaned word.

Who treat dogs with a sincere and comical diplomacy.

Attempt to craft a decent wine in a desperate climate.

Clip the chain of consequence by letting others have the last word.

Master the banjo.

Are operatically loud in love.

These people, without knowing it, are saving the world.

26 April 2009 | 5:27 | No Comments


Boris Johnson

The mayor of London was asked by an interviewer about “power”:

Q: Does power corrupt
A: Power reveals

25 April 2009 | 21:48 | No Comments


Albert A Bartlett

The greatest shortcoming of the human race is our inability to understand the exponential function.

24 April 2009 | 20:27 | No Comments


A H Weiler

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.

23 April 2009 | 18:56 | No Comments


Niccolo Machiavelli

It ought to be remembered that there is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things.

22 April 2009 | 6:31 | 1 Comment


Celia Green

The way to do research is to attack the facts at the point of greatest astonishment.

21 April 2009 | 20:40 | No Comments


Ernst Mach

Substance is a convenient word for a gap in our thoughts.

20 April 2009 | 19:43 | No Comments


Peter Drucker

There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.

19 April 2009 | 9:29 | No Comments


a turn of phrase

of someone’s politics

…further to the left than the soup spoon

of a referee, perhaps

…blinder than a welder’s dog

18 April 2009 | 17:42 | No Comments


Woody Allen

90% of success is turning up

17 April 2009 | 22:58 | No Comments


Ambrose Bierce

Admiration, n Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves.

16 April 2009 | 20:45 | No Comments


Walt Whitman

A Clear Midnight

This is thy hour O Soul, thy free flight into the wordless,
Away from books, away from art, the day erased, the lesson done,
Thee fully forth emerging, silent, gazing, pondering the themes thou
lovest best.
Night, sleep, and the stars.

13 April 2009 | 19:51 | No Comments


John Peel

Somebody was trying to tell me that CDs are better than vinyl because they don’t have any surface noise. I said, ‘Listen, mate, “life” has surface noise.’

10 April 2009 | 22:34 | No Comments


Frederick Russell Burnham

There is nothing that sharpens a man’s senses so acutely as to know that bitter and determined enemies are in pursuit of him night and day.

9 April 2009 | 19:04 | No Comments


William Carlos Williams

It is difficult
to get the news from poems
yet men die miserably every day
for lack
of what is found there.

8 April 2009 | 20:58 | No Comments


Damon Runyon

He who tooteth not his own horn, the same shall not be tooted.

7 April 2009 | 18:42 | No Comments


Robert Frost

Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.

5 April 2009 | 21:21 | No Comments


James D Nicoll

The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don’t just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.

4 April 2009 | 19:37 | No Comments


Abraham Lincoln

1831 Business Failled
1832 Lost job Defeated for state legislature
1833 Failed in business
1836 Had nervous breakdown
1838 Defeated for legislature
1844 Defeated for Congress
1846 Defeated for Congress
1848 Defeated for Congress
1849 Rejected for land officer
1855 Defeated for U.S. Senate
1856 Defeated for nomination for Vice President
1858 Defeated for U.S. Senate

1860 Elected President

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other thing

3 April 2009 | 21:18 | No Comments


Thomas Carlyle

All greatness is unconscious, or it is little and naught.

1 April 2009 | 10:33 | No Comments


John Donne

The Sun Rising

Busy old fool, unruly Sun,
Why dost thou thus,
Through windows, and through curtains, call on us?
Must to thy motions lovers’ seasons run?
Saucy pedantic wretch, go chide
Late school-boys and sour prentices,
Go tell court-huntsmen that the king will ride,
Call country ants to harvest offices;
Love, all alike, no season knows nor clime,
Nor hours, days, months, which are the rags of time.

Thy beams so reverend, and strong
Why shouldst thou think?
I could eclipse and cloud them with a wink,
But that I would not lose her sight so long.
If her eyes have not blinded thine,
Look, and to-morrow late tell me,
Whether both th’ Indias of spice and mine
Be where thou left’st them, or lie here with me.
Ask for those kings whom thou saw’st yesterday,
And thou shalt hear, “All here in one bed lay.”

She’s all states, and all princes I;
Nothing else is;
Princes do but play us ; compared to this,
All honour’s mimic, all wealth alchemy.
Thou, Sun, art half as happy as we,
In that the world’s contracted thus;
Thine age asks ease, and since thy duties be
To warm the world, that’s done in warming us.
Shine here to us, and thou art everywhere;
This bed thy center is, these walls thy sphere.

Today is the anniversary of John Donne’s death in 1631

31 March 2009 | 20:14 | No Comments


Francis Bacon

Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.

30 March 2009 | 22:30 | No Comments


Clive James

The book of my enemy has been remaindered
And I am pleased
In vast quantities it has been remaindered.

29 March 2009 | 23:15 | No Comments


Ashleigh Brilliant

There is a world which I alone rule, but it ends at my fingertips.

27 March 2009 | 21:27 | No Comments


Stephen Donaldson

This you have to understand. There’s only one way to hurt a man who’s lost everything. Give him back something broken.

24 March 2009 | 10:45 | No Comments


Thomas Carlyle

No pressure, no diamonds.

22 March 2009 | 22:08 | 1 Comment


Immanuel Kant

…number not voices, but weigh them.

21 March 2009 | 18:35 | No Comments


G K Chesterton

Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much.

17 March 2009 | 21:51 | No Comments


Victor Hugo

He caught glimpses of everything, but saw nothing.

15 March 2009 | 11:22 | No Comments


Wole Soyinka

I said: “A tiger does not proclaim his tigritude, he pounces”. In other words: a tiger does not stand in the forest and say: “I am a tiger”. When you pass where the tiger has walked before, you see the skeleton of the duiker, you know that some tigritude has been emanated there.

14 March 2009 | 18:44 | No Comments


Jiddu Krishnamurti

The description is not the described; I can describe the mountain, but the description is not the mountain, and if you are caught up in the description, as most people are, then you will never see the mountain.

12 March 2009 | 19:09 | No Comments


Franz Werfel

Between too early and too late, there is never more than a moment.

11 March 2009 | 21:36 | No Comments


Christopher Morley

Printer’s ink has been running a race against gunpowder these many, many years. Ink is handicapped, in a way, because you can blow up a man with gunpowder in half a second, while it may take twenty years to blow him up with a book. But the gunpowder destroys itself along with its victim, while a book can keep on exploding for centuries.

8 March 2009 | 23:52 | No Comments


Jonathan Swift

May you live all the days of your life.

6 March 2009 | 21:03 | No Comments


George MacDonald

A beast does not know that he is a beast, and the nearer a man gets to being a beast, the less he knows it.

5 March 2009 | 7:50 | No Comments


Lewis Mumford

Trend is not destiny

4 March 2009 | 21:28 | No Comments


E L Doctorow

It’s like driving a car at night. You never see further than your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.

2 March 2009 | 23:41 | No Comments


Austin Clarke

The Planter’s Daughter

When night stirred at sea
And the fire brought a crowd in,
They say that her beauty
Was music in mouth
And few in the candlelight
Thought her too proud,
For the house of the planter
Is known by the trees.

Men that had seen her
Drank deep and were silent,
The women were speaking
Wherever she went -
As a bell that is rung
Or a wonder told shyly,
And O she was the Sunday
In every week.

28 February 2009 | 23:29 | No Comments


C S Lewis

‘Are the gods not just?’
‘Oh no, child. What would become of us if they were?’

27 February 2009 | 21:43 | No Comments


Honore de Balzac

The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutang trying to play the violin.

26 February 2009 | 23:41 | No Comments


Igor Pak

It turns out we can do this not only practically but also theoretically.

24 February 2009 | 23:08 | No Comments


Henry Ward Beecher

Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?

23 February 2009 | 23:30 | No Comments


Paul Dirac

When I say “Yes”, it does not mean that I agree; it means only that you should go on.

21 February 2009 | 21:34 | No Comments


Joseph Conrad

The worst that could be said of him was that he did not represent his class. He was a seaman, but he was a wanderer, too, while most seamen lead, if one may so express it, a sedentary life. Their minds are of the stay-at-home order, and their home is always with them–the ship; and so is their country–the sea.

18 February 2009 | 21:12 | No Comments


G K Chesterton

The mere brute pleasure of reading the sort of pleasure a cow must have in grazing.

16 February 2009 | 8:04 | No Comments


Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

In a war of ideas it is people who get killed.

13 February 2009 | 0:05 | No Comments


Abraham Lincoln

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate, we can not consecrate, we can not hallow, this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us – that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion – that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain – that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom – and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.


Abraham Lincoln was born 10 score years ago today.

12 February 2009 | 9:19 | No Comments


Alan Coren

Apart from cheese and tulips, the main product of the country is advocaat, a drink made from lawyers.

11 February 2009 | 23:27 | No Comments


Richard Lardner

… he give her a look that you could pour on a waffle.

9 February 2009 | 8:35 | No Comments


William James

Whenever two people meet, there are really six people present. There is each man as he sees himself, each man as the other person sees him, and each man as he really is.

8 February 2009 | 22:38 | No Comments


Robert Frost

Fire and Ice

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

7 February 2009 | 23:36 | No Comments


Charlton Ogburn

We trained hard . . . but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we would be reorganized. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing; and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency, and demoralization.

6 February 2009 | 21:30 | No Comments


Hippocrates

Life is short, art long, opportunity fleeting, experience treacherous, judgment difficult.

5 February 2009 | 22:25 | No Comments


Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

He who limps is still walking.

3 February 2009 | 23:39 | No Comments


Percy Bysshe Shelley

A Dirge

Rough Wind, that moanest loud
Grief too sad for song;
Wild wind, when sullen cloud
Knells all the night long;
Sad storm, whose tears are vain,
Bare woods, whose branches strain,
Deep caves and dreary main, _
Wail, for the world’s wrong!

31 January 2009 | 20:59 | No Comments


Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

When smashing monuments, save the pedestals. They always come in handy.

29 January 2009 | 23:11 | No Comments


G H Hardy

Music can be used to stimulate mass emotion, while mathematics cannot.

29 January 2009 | 22:45 | No Comments


Julius H Roscoe Jr

Serendipity is looking in a haystack for a needle and discovering a farmer’s daughter.


today is the 200th anniversary of Horace Walpole’s first coining of the word Serendipity

28 January 2009 | 7:44 | No Comments


Quentin Crisp

Believe in fate but lean forward where fate can see you.

27 January 2009 | 22:12 | 1 Comment


Roger Elaine and the Horse

Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine.

He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves.

They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ”Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”

And then there is silence in the car.

To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let’s see …February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed — even before I sensed it — that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t carewhat those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90- day warranty. That’s exactly what they’re gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on hiswhite horse, when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a goddamn warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their…. .

”Roger,” Elaine says aloud.

”What?” asks Roger, startled.

”Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ”Maybe I should never have . .Oh God, I feel so…..” (She breaks down, sobbing.)

”What?” says Roger.

”I’m such a fool,” Elaine sobs.

”I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”

”There’s no horse?” says Roger.

”You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Elaine says.

”No!” says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

”It’s just that . . . It’s that I . . . I need some time,” Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

”Yes,” he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

”Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?” she says.

”What way?” says Roger.

”That way about time,” says Elaine.

”Oh,” says Roger. ”Yes.”

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

”Thank you, Roger,” she says.

”Thank you,” says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of.

A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures. it’s better if he doesn’t think about it. (This is also Roger’s policyregarding world hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine’s, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: ”Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?’

26 January 2009 | 23:58 | 2 Comments


D H Lawrence

I like relativity and quantum theories
Because I don’t understand them
And they make me feel as if space shifted
About like a swan that can’t settle
Refusing to sit still and be measured
And as if the atom were an impulsive thing
Always changing its mind.

24 January 2009 | 21:16 | No Comments


Ralp Waldo Emerson

The blazing evidence of immortality is our dissatisfaction with any other solution.

23 January 2009 | 23:07 | No Comments


Henry Ford

Asking “who ought to be the boss” is like asking “who ought to be the tenor in the quartet?” Obviously, the man who can sing tenor.

21 January 2009 | 17:23 | No Comments


G K Chesterton

The cosmos is about the smallest hole that a man can hide his head in.

20 January 2009 | 23:00 | 1 Comment


Edgar Alan Poe

“That is another of your odd notions,” said the Prefect, who had a fashion of calling everything “odd” that was beyond his comprehension, and thus lived amid an absolute legion of “oddities”.

200th anniversary of Poe’s birth

19 January 2009 | 9:09 | No Comments


De la Lastra’s Corollary

After an access cover has been secured by 16 hold-down screws, it will be discovered that the gasket has been omitted.

17 January 2009 | 23:02 | No Comments


Ogden Nash

Further Reflection on Parsley

Parsley
Is gharsley

15 January 2009 | 17:38 | No Comments


P G Wodehouse

If the prophet Job were to walk into the room at this moment, I could sit swapping hard-luck stories with him till bedtime.

13 January 2009 | 23:22 | No Comments


C S Lewis

You know your lover by looking into their eyes and heart. You know your friends by reading, arguing, praying, playing, speaking, etc. with them.

12 January 2009 | 23:53 | No Comments


John Agard

Call alligator long-mouth
call alligator saw-mouth
call alligator pushy-mouth
call alligator scissors-mouth
call alligator raggedy-mouth
call alligator bumpy-bum
call alligator all dem rude word
but better wait
….. till you cross river.

31 December 2008 | 18:54 | No Comments


Davy Crocket

I leave this rule for others when I’m dead
Be always sure you’re right – THEN GO AHEAD!

29 December 2008 | 17:50 | No Comments


Anzia Yezierska

Poverty is a bag with a hole at the bottom.

28 December 2008 | 21:57 | No Comments


A Palindrome

Sums are not set as a test on Erasmus.

27 December 2008 | 16:39 | No Comments


Horatio William Bottomley

Ending his career as journalist and politician with a 5 year prison sentence for fraud, Bottomley was approached whilst stitching mailbags by a prison visitor who asked him:

‘Sewing, Bottomley’

to which he simply replied:

‘No, reaping.’

26 December 2008 | 11:40 | No Comments


Benjamin Zephaniah

Talking Turkeys

Be nice to yu turkeys dis christmas
Cos’ turkeys just wanna hav fun
Turkeys are cool, turkeys are wicked
An every turkey has a Mum.
Be nice to yu turkeys dis christmas,
Don’t eat it, keep it alive,
It could be yu mate, an not on your plate
Say, Yo! Turkey I’m on your side.
I got lots of friends who are turkeys
An all of dem fear christmas time,
Dey wanna enjoy it, dey say humans destroyed it
An humans are out of dere mind,
Yeah, I got lots of friends who are turkeys
Dey all hav a right to a life,
Not to be caged up an genetically made up
By any farmer an his wife.

Turkeys just wanna play reggae
Turkeys just wanna hip-hop
Can yu imagine a nice young turkey saying,
‘I cannot wait for de chop’,
Turkeys like getting presents, dey wanna watch christmas TV,
Turkeys hav brains an turkeys feel pain
In many ways like yu an me.

I once knew a turkey called – Turkey
He said “Benji explain to me please,
Who put de turkey in christmas
An what happens to christmas trees?”,
I said “I am not too sure turkey
But it’s nothing to do wid Christ Mass
Humans get greedy an waste more dan need be
An business men mek loadsa cash’.

Be nice to yu turkey dis christmas
Invite dem indoors fe sum greens
Let dem eat cake an let dem partake
In a plate of organic grown beans,
Be nice to yu turkey dis christmas
An spare dem de cut of de knife,
Join Turkeys United an dey’ll be delighted
An yu will mek new friends ‘FOR LIFE’.

25 December 2008 | 11:45 | No Comments


Boris Johnson

from The Perils of the Pushy Parents

One Christmas in the usual way
The school put on a touching play
To mark Our Lord’s nativity
Young Molly was enthralled to be
Elected by her cheering class
To play the reasr end of the ASS
‘What DO you mean?’ cried Molly’s mum.
‘They’ve made you act a donkey’s bum?
How dare they force my little lass
to imitate as ass’s ass?
We rather hoped the BBC
Would hire you as a news trainee.
And after that it’s our intent
To shove you into parliament.
Up the greasy pole – and then
Propel you into Number 10!
But as it is your school, God rot ‘em.
Potrays you as some dobbin’s bottom.
What kind of university
Wants “donkey bum” on your CV?’
Before the girl could disabuse her
Mum had found the show’s producer
And as a stork devours a frog
She seized the trembling pedagogue.
Quite what she whispered in his ear
I cannot say and yet I fear
It must have been extremely scary
He sacked the pupil playing Mary
And handing her a donkey’s tail
He hushed her unbelieving wail:
‘Can it kiddo, you’re a gonner.
We’re casting Molly as Madonna!’

24 December 2008 | 9:50 | No Comments


Kurt Vonnegut

Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.

23 December 2008 | 21:54 | No Comments


Robert Byrne

Getting caught is the mother of invention.

22 December 2008 | 23:40 | No Comments


Gore Vidal

I am at heart a propagandist, a tremendous hater, a tiresome nag, complacently positive that there is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise.

20 December 2008 | 12:38 | No Comments


Edmund Burke

The effect of liberty to individuals is, that they may do what they please: we ought to see what it will please them to do, before we risk congratulations.

18 December 2008 | 19:49 | No Comments


Arthur Guiterman

What One Approves, Another Scorns

What one approves,
another scorns,
and thus
his nature each discloses.
You find the rosebush
full of thorns,
I find the
thornbush full of roses.

17 December 2008 | 10:06 | No Comments


Alfred North Whitehead

We think in generalities, but we live in detail.

17 December 2008 | 0:16 | No Comments


Don Paterson

My obsession with computers (what an infancy they’re in, and how it charms) is a kind of nostalgia for the future. I long to be-half man half-desk.

15 December 2008 | 23:40 | No Comments


Laurence J Peter

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.

14 December 2008 | 12:18 | 1 Comment


Carl Sandburg

Dust

Here is dust remembers it was a rose
one time and lay in a woman’s hair.
Here is dust remembers it was a woman
one time and in her hair lay a rose.
Oh things one time dust, what else now is it
you dream and remember of old days?

13 December 2008 | 21:39 | No Comments


George Bernard Shaw

on being asked in a restaurant if there was anything he would like the orchestra to play…

Dominoes

12 December 2008 | 20:23 | No Comments


E B White

The time not to become a father is eighteen years before a war.

11 December 2008 | 18:12 | No Comments


Spike Milligan

Down the Stream the Swans All Glide

Down the stream the swans all glide;
It’s quite the cheapest way to ride.
Their legs get wet,
Their tummies wetter:
I think after all
The bus is better.

10 December 2008 | 7:14 | 1 Comment


Mark Twain

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

9 December 2008 | 23:20 | No Comments


Judy Garland

Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else.

8 December 2008 | 22:45 | No Comments


Václav Havel

Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.

7 December 2008 | 9:08 | No Comments


Horace

Odes, Book 3, Verse 29: Happy the Man

Happy the man, and happy he alone,
He who can call today his own:
He who, secure within, can say,
Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today.
Be fair or foul or rain or shine
The joys I have possessed, in spite of fate, are mine.
Not Heaven itself upon the past has power,
But what has been, has been, and I have had my hour.

6 December 2008 | 19:08 | No Comments


F E Smith

On Winston Churchill

He has devoted the best years of his life to preparing his impromptu speeches.

5 December 2008 | 10:18 | No Comments


Carolyn Wells

The Flute Tutor

A tooter who tooted a flute
tried to tutor two tooters to toot.
Said the two to the tooter,
“Is it harder to toot, or
to tutor two tooters to toot?”

3 December 2008 | 11:48 | No Comments


Czesław Miłosz

…poems should be written rarely and reluctantly,
under unbearable duress and only with the hope
that good spirits, not evil ones, choose us for their instrument.

2 December 2008 | 16:14 | No Comments